Bonjour! We learnt Hawaiian the other day (Aloha, remember?) You otherwise would have parted with some good dimes to get these lessons, but I am here for you. You are welcome! How are you? I mean this in every sense. Socially? Physically? Emotionally? Spiritually? How are you? I truly hope you are fine, and if you’re not, I truly hope and pray you will be better sooner than later. You need to be fine, yeah? (You better respond “yeah”)
I was to write this article two weeks ago, but I could not, so here I am now.
Are there not moments your eyes get to see beauty, beauty beyond, awesomeness in its fullness, that not only your sense of sight gets to see but you get to relate with every sense and though intense, every sense senses.
Here is a story of my sense of sight and other senses, I hope it makes your senses intenses.
(Based on a true story….)

My friend and I were walking hurriedly to the exam hall, all tensed, anxious, and almost scared, for the “beast” we were supposed to face. You know, those units that make you doubt your intellect and threaten your sanity? That is beside the point anyway. Here is the point- I witnessed something that I hadn’t ever. No! Not a comet that was falling on earth…I saw a beautiful woman!
Don’t get it twisted. I have seen very many beautiful women before, but this one was B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L! I don’t really know what words are appropriate here, but, stay with me. The world has somehow set a standard for beauty for women mostly. She should not be heavy, she should be slender, petite is the “thing.” Flawless skin is what is acceptable. American height? Yes to the yes! Don’t be too short. Stretch marks are not attractive at all. Cellulite should be hidden in jeans and long-sleeved tops, even when it feels like the sun is closer to the earth, or they (the sun) are suddenly two! Also, very kinky hair is neither professional nor attractive. Straighten it out or better yet, please relax it (like it is stressed. I hope you have watched the movie Nappily Ever After). That is why most beauty magazines will have slender women, with faces beat for the gods on their cover page, and in the few instances they have a BBW, as people love to refer to them, they follow it up with expert advice on how to lose weight, especially belly fat (did you not think of the “potty”) and fat around the arms.

That is why at the very back of these magazines, there are adverts of skin-lightening creams, weight-loss pills and teas, whose mode of operation I don’t understand. There are also a million options of hair-relaxers, but they forget to mention that they burn our scalp and cause our hairlines to recede, and make our hair control us and what we can or not do- do not play in the rain. Swimming is not fun anymore. Don’t go for boat-riding with unbraided hair.

The lady I beheld, in all her glory, her grace, had everything going on for her. I hope this sounds okay- she actually was about twice my size. More than 100 kilograms of awesomeness! She was short, making her weight more pronounced, and had worn a short dress, without sleeves. I couldn’t help but notice the cellulite on her thighs, the stretch marks on her arms and I said it out loud, ensuring it was not loud enough for her to hear whatever it was I had to say. It wasn’t until my friend responded that I realized how terrible I was. My exact words were, “Wow! Look at that girl. She is very confident. Yaani haogopi kuangaliwa hivyo vyote na watu?” She attracted a lot of attention from people. I felt disturbed by the fact that I actually thought something was wrong with some of the aspects of her appearance. That she needed to hide some things, not because she wanted to, but so she could avoid being looked at, some type of way. My friend turned and said, “Yes! She is confident. Njoki you cannot even wear a vest because of your back and arms…” Ouch! This was my wake up call. I was shook, then I realized my reaction stemmed from my own insecurities.

Recurrent eczema and severe acne on my back made me prefer tops that hide all that stuff, so I didn’t have to answer the questions that I would find annoying, “What is wrong with your skin? What happened?” For those that knew not to ask any question, the long stares were louder. For a long time I loathed going to the swimming pool, not that I know how to swim anyway, but I just did not want questions.
Perfection is really an illusion, yet it is what we are all chasing. It is okay to not exactly love everything about ourselves, but it is not okay to let our insecurities hold us back. The flatness in places you would have wanted curves. The scars you would give anything to fade. The stretch marks, those lines, are extra lines to love. Your hair that doesn’t seem to grow as fast as you’d love it to, or isn’t as soft and curly as your sister’s or mother’s, is yours to take care of. The nails you keep biting, are yours to really take care of, and love!
The one suffering from obesity would, do a lot better when reminded of the benefits of having a mass within the acceptable range, for the health reasons, not when told to take expensive pills to lose weight fast, nor ‘Men don’t love big girls.’ We should be taught to take care of our different skin types, not getting tips on how to be lighter in 7 days. This cuts across, for men and women alike. Men who lack sleep because they think their girlfriends have cheated on them because they have one strong village where they would have wanted six packs. We will be celebrating Women’s Day, and for the women that came before us- the women that bore us and raised us, let us love ourselves and love each other, and create healthy spaces where none of us feels inadequate because of what we have or don’t have. Let us root for each other enough to say, ‘Yes! We will work out together to achieve your goal weight, but I am loving you anyway. There is more of you to love and experience, than your weight which you wish was different.’ Don’t get it twisted. Loving and accepting ourselves does not mean we will not improve aspects of ourselves that can be improved, but we will not beat ourselves up for things we have no control over, like our unusually big toes. Ha! We cannot trim those, or our size 7 and 8 feet, for which we cannot get shoes at thrift stores.
You are enough. It is ridiculous how enough you are. I hope you believe me. Meghan Trainor in a song I love (All about That Bass) says, ‘Every inch of you is perfect, from the bottom to the top.’ If you don’t believe me, at least believe her, cos, she’s awesome, and if you believe in God and His Word, and you should, David writes in Psalms 139:14, ‘I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works: and that, my soul knows right well.’ Know that right well. Spread love and joy in the spaces you find yourself in.
Till next time, be well!