There’s this saying: A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Heard it before, right?
I have questions. Because yes, the bird in the hand is there. It is tangible. It is behaving, and it is not making me go outside and gamble my life. It is just sitting there like, “Hi, I am your bird. I belong to you now.” But then, sometimes, in an honest, self-ware way, I look at it and think, ‘Wait, do I even like this bird?’.
Because the bird in the hand is also very good at one thing: keeping you busy. You are holding it, feeding it, adjusting your life around it, occasionally defending it in conversations like, ‘No, it’s actually a very good bird.’ Meanwhile, you are not looking at the bush at all. You are not even thinking about the bush. You are emotionally occupied.
And then there’s the bush.
The bush is chaotic. The bush is uncertain. The bush is where birds may or may not exist, but also… the bush is where possibility lives. And I think that’s the problem, cos sometimes the bird in your hand is not even the best bird. It’s just the first bird that didn’t fly away immediately. Which, if we are honest, is not always a qualification. And the bird could be anything; a job, a friendship, a romantic relationship, whatever’s in the hand.
But here’s the tricky part: letting go feels dramatic. Like, what do you mean I should open my hand and risk becoming birdless in this economy? And yet, staying with the wrong bird also quietly turns you into someone who stops looking up, because you stop noticing other birds, as you defend the one in the hand, and start saying things like, ‘At least it doesn’t bite me that often.’
All that said, no, I don’t have a conclusion. All I know is that sometimes the bird should be kept in the hand, and sometimes, the bird needs to be released to allow one to go into the bush and catch another that’s probably prettier, fatter, and more docile, but it’s not always easy to know what to do, is it?
I hope your Monday is coming along fine. Mine is; I’ve eaten several pomodoros. May the rest of the day and week be great!
c) Eating four croissants, candy and taking coffee at night and ‘forgetting’ to brush before sleeping.
d)Visiting your dentist regularly
If you’re Kenyan, did this remind you of 8-4-4 grilling? I bet it did.
Teacher: Class, what’s the answer?
Class (shouting, and needlessly dragging the answer): Ccccccc (Teacher properly canes whoever answered ‘D’ or ‘A’ or ‘B’)
Where am I going with this? Stay with me, and don’t judge me. Until January 2024, all I did was brush my teeth, not twice daily, but once. Gross, right? I was grilled in the 8-4-4 system and knew all the oral hygiene practices, in theory, but for some reason, I never practised them. I remember brushing my teeth twice every day some time in 2021 after a painful molar extraction (it had a cavity the size of the world), and because I didn’t want to ever go through such an experience again, I bought the biggest Listerine bottle, replaced my toothbrush and started brushing my 31 teeth, gum and tongue, twice daily, for barely two weeks. Dental floss was forever absent in Mr. Kangethe’s household, so I can blame my parents’ lack of awareness in that regard, lol! The habit of flossing wasn’t instilled during my formative years.
On the upper jaw is the said tooth, half of it absent, destroyed by a cavity.
I’m currently in school and after lunch break, I see one of my Colombian classmates in the washroom, flossing and brushing her teeth, and I remember the first time thinking to myself, ‘Okay, why is she doing that here? Can’t she wait to do it in the house?’ The real question should have been, ‘Why am I not doing that, after eating a big meatball, sticky rice and sauce?’ She made me start to rethink my dental hygiene, which is what exposure does, so when Mutune and Iater went shopping, she picked floss, and I did, too. That night, I had dinner, brushed my teeth as usual, then flossed, and lo! I was surprised that I still had stuff between my teeth – gunk! Honey, I embarrassed myself in my bathroom and vowed to floss once every day, at night. I’ve still not started going with a dental kit to school – may be a bit of a stretch for a beginner, though I must say that I’m so serious that I use straws to drink coffee to avoid staining my teeth. Sexy, right?
Why am I talking about teeth? Well, because teeth are important. Dental hygiene is essential. More to the point, though, is that our bodies are magic. Loving and caring for my body is what love looks like to me today – feeding it well, clipping its nails, flossing its teeth, taking care of hair, moisturizing its skin, protecting its eyes. I think, we take for granted what our bodies do for us – they have carried us since we were born, growing with us, acting as a shell for what we are – our essence. Your brain and eyes are working fine, which is why you can read this article and make sense of it, your brain is working fine, which is why you left your house in the morning (if you did), boarded the right matatu, or cycled to where you were supposed to be. Your brain is working fine, which is why you were able to use the correct route, back to your house. You’re sober. Your hands are working fine, you can hug your loved ones. YOU CAN BRUSH YOUR TEETH AND FLOSS. Your tongue’s receptors can detect tastes, which is why you can enjoy four croissants, and tell the difference between the taste of croissants and cheese. I hate cheese. I know its easy to ‘neglect’ the ‘non-problematic’ things about our bodies, as we perceive them, e.g., in my case, for a long time I’ve invested in skincare (visiting dermatologists and buying products) because my skin is super-sensitive and acne-prone, while neglecting my teeth, well, because they’re textbook- perfect, if I do say so myself- they look good, well-arranged and aren’t aching. Others have flawless skin so they strictly use bar soap and Vaseline, while they invest thousands in getting braces, and going for regular dental check-up. Others have zero ‘problems’, and that’s okay.
I could go on and on, but I won’t. Our bodies are magic. I’m here to remind you, and myself, that we should have a holistic approach towards taking care of ourselves – both the parts we really love, and the parts we wish looked/felt different. Pause here, study your body, appreciate it, and not just its aesthetics like big nyash (nyash is nice), or beautiful teeth, or juicy sister locks, but functionality – how its different parts work to keep you alive, and to ease your life, and if you’re Christian like I am, say like King David, that ‘I will praise thee, Lord; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.’
I’m obsessed with my body, and I hope you are too. You should be. I’m about to tuck the body in bed – the day was long. Don’t forget to share this with whoever has a body.
Be well, and spread love and kindness to yourself and to others. Byeeee!!! See you soon!
I have become dishonest – lying to you, my reader is what I’ve been doing the last couple of months. I want to give you what I had promised (two blogs per month), but I’m seemingly somewhat incapacitated. I’m sorry. (Insert Pastor Ng’ang’a’s voice: I’m very sorry, aah, hata nasema sorry ya nini na si mimi nimekata hii internet? How can I say sorry? I’m not sorry… Here’s the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yuDbx3gS7vs&t=4s )
Hey hey! I hope you’ve been fine. I have been well, and excited, and busy, and sleepy, and grateful, and cold, and happy, and most importantly, I have been alive. We’ll do a proper catch-up session in the new year, yeah? I just caught myself in a really good mood and decided to blog, a short and sweet one – ten things on my mind, not in the order of importance:
How is today 18th December? I swear, it was 3rd January just four days ago! I love that time is flying, but I also, equally, don’t. I’ll soon turn 84, damn it.
Cheese is unnecessary. I don’t understand people’s obsession with it. Thembi and I went to the supermarket yesterday and she got excited about the different varieties, took different packs of cheddar cheese and almost bought some cheese sticks snacks. Milk is okay. Yoghurt is awesome. Ice cream is heaven. Cheese is disgusting, bitter and smelly. In my (not humble) opinion, it’s better on pizza, not the sticky kind – a crispy layer, as thin as your hair strand – as thin as my father’s patience.
3. Men are nice. Whoever said they’re animals should be sentenced for life without parole. Truly, I love how men (who like you) can actually bring you joy, or flowers. Have you ever received a bouquet of flowers? Yes? I’ll feel jealous only if they were yellow.
4. What can I do next year to actively give back to society? How can I put my skills/talents to good use? I don’t want to annoy God by hiding my light under a bushel. I feel like I’ve been doing that a lot.
5.Why didn’t I invest in candles sooner? Burning candles in my house has been oh, so therapeutic! They make me feel like I’m on top of my game.
6. Manchester United can be embarrassing. They’ll be playing against Liverpool today and I’m not sure how they’ll want to kill their fans – a 7- Nil loss, or a 3 – Nil loss? There’s one way to find out. I have their jersey. If they lose again, I’ll burn it.
7. Am I one of the two people on God’s green earth who add ketchup to potato crisps? Do you? Do you think it’s gross? If you answered yes, consider yourself, as a matter of fact, blocked.
8. My parent is growing old. I hate to admit it, but it scares me to think that they’ve already lived most of their life. My old man’s beard is grey now. I pray he lives long – 107.25 years.
9. Sauti Sol broke my heart. I am actually mad at them for deciding to split. Which is you favourite Sauti Sol song? Mine is an oldie titled ‘Awinja’.
10. I wonder why you read my blogs and fail to subscribe. Are you a bad person? No? I thought so. Subscriiiibeee. RustyFingers will blow up in 2024 and you’ll be proud to be a subscriber, I promise.
Now, tell me one or two things on your mind – have you found a one-off solution to climate change, or a cure for cancer, or are you thinking about why you can’t sleep without socks on, or why you’re always losing your scrunchies? I’m here for it all. Talk to me.
Starting to blog on a lovely Friday afternoon, as I drink ACV water cos Dr. Google says it helps to manage blood sugar. Google has a lot of opinions, just like I do.
Do you want to know why my fingers are sore? Of course you do. It’s why you clicked on the link, yeah? Thanks for caring! My aunt made me slice vegetables, and I’m not talking about ‘spinach and kales za twenty bob…’ I am talking about kales and spinach worth about KSh. 300, not bought from a nearby greengrocer, but from a farmer – a generous one. Do you know what that means? It means they were many, and because they were fresh, straight from the farm, they were dirtier than your roof. Dirtier than earth even. Today is Friday, and we’re Adventists, which means today is Preparation Day and in most homes, it means cooking chapati or githeri (what’s the English word for this? It’s corn mixed with beans.) I prefer chapati, yay! Aunty cooked some.
I filled eight Ziploc bags with veggies I sliced, with MY HANDS, and a mostly blunt knife. Hell!Pictured are four.
Veggies for the week sorted, by MEEEE, with my hands! Haha!Is there a tool for this?
No, I’m not complaining about slicing vegetables cos I’ve never done it before, or cos I’m a rich kid that was brought up in a house full of servants. It’s just that I can’t remember the last time I did it. I’m always at Mama Mboga’s like, ‘Nikatie spinach za ten na sukuma za ten…’ but that doesn’t happen at my aunt’s place. She thinks they don’t clean them properly – that they don’t even check for caterpillars and snails, that I’ve probably eaten a number already. Ew! (Excellent protein source though, yeah?) Do you trust your Mama Mboga or do you wash and slice veggies at home?
I graduated from uni in June last year, and it felt great! Completing school successfully is no mean feat, is it? One of my uncles, Uncle Dougie, was asked to give a speech during my graduation ceremony. All was well until he said, ‘Msichana wetu tumemlea vizuri, amesoma, amepita, natunashukuruMungu. Kusema ukweli, akikuja hapa kesho atwambie amepata rafiki na anataka kuanza familia, kuna mtu atapinga kweli?‘ (We’ve raised our daughter well and she has completed her studies. Would anyone have a problem if she brought a man home tomorrow?) ALL MY UNCLES and a few of my aunts shook their heads, as I cringed. They shook their heads to mean they agreed that I’m ready for marriage. I almost called UNICEF guys to tell them that my people want to marry me off young! I am a child, relationships are complex, and I love easy things, don’t you?
As time goes by, it’s getting harder to ‘lie to myself’ that I’m just a child. Why? Because my classmates are getting kids! Some have two already. Some of my friends are engaged. Others are in very serious relationships. People are finding life partners and I’m writing this blog, wearing socks that aren’t matching cos I can’t find matching partners for my FREAKING SOCKS! Heck, I don’t even like cooking for myself. Will I cook for another woman’s son, or for the children I’ll birth, or will they starve to death?
My aunt, other than asking me to slice a ton of veggies, asks me ‘Sasa nani atakuwa anapikia mzee wako chapati juu hujui na umekataa kujifunza?’, every single time she cooks chapati. I tell her that I have a problem with the word ‘Mzee’, that chapati can be bought, and that marriage is not mandatory, haha! Another aunt is always trying to link me up with guys, saying, ‘This one is learned and has a good job. Don’t dare get married to a broke guy…’ Other aunts tell me to take my time and only get married when I feel ready to (I love these ones better!). Just like Njoki and Dr. Google, my family members have opinions, and they share them, generously, like the farmer! It feels like I can’t breathe, and I’m going to have to find a perfect, polite phrase to shush them.
I’m 25 and would like to hear the experiences of other unmarried girls, and guys, between ages 25 and 30. Are your aunties trying to groom you for marriage? Are your uncles encouraging you to get hitched to a wealthy guy, cos they don’t want you to only chase your career goals and forget about building a family? (or cos they want their share of dowry, if they get it.) Ladies are encouraged to learn how to cook and clean, etc., in readiness for marriage. Gents, is there anything your dad or uncles tell you to learn before marriage? Mowing the lawn? Hunting? How to light a fire in the wild? Is marriage that big of a deal? Engage me in the comment section.
Despite the fact that relationships are complex, I love talking stages! I’ll be going on a first date this weekend, with someone I’ve been telling to calm down because he sometimes sounds like my uncle, talking about marriage and stuff that scares me, but it makes sense cos he says he’s almost 30 and ready to settle. I’m not, but he likes me, and I miss telling someone that my favourite colour is green. I miss sitting across the table from someone I potentially can have mad fun with, talk to daily, go out with, cuddle with, cook with, etc., then probably end with a ‘happily ever after’, or end with me crying myself to sleep after a few months or years. It’s a dance, and I have my shoes on.
I sliced all those vegetables, and the shower that followed felt like a reward. I savoured every moment and even took pictures of bubbles. Don’t take your phone with you to the bathroom. You might mistakenly record and post a live video of you showering, on Facebook, Instagram or your WhatsApp church group then you ‘Delete For Me.’ Catastrophic!
After slicing veggies with MY HANDS, I wished we had a bath tub. I imagine it’s more relaxing than a shower.My shower gel smells GREAT though!
Thanks for stopping by. Get married when you feel ready, whatever that means to you.
1532 hours (East Africa Time) on 19/09/2023 – Njoki opens her WordPress account to blog, after three long years! The last blog she wrote was a stock-take of the things she was enjoying in 2020: https://rustyfingers33.home.blog/2020/11/15/i-am-here-now/ , and at the time her nephew was barely three months old. He’s three now and is the reason she didn’t start writing at 1300 hours – he wants to either cuddle or destroy her laptop by hitting it with a ball and trying to remove the keys with his cute, fat, greasy hands. There’s no in-between. Njoki has missed blogging, so she’s back at it, to do it consistently, or so she hopes.
Hi. My name is Njoki. I have a 3-year-old nephew with cute, fat hands (now greasy, distracting my work). I have another cute nephew (currently in school, definitely not distracting me). I love to write. If you know me, I bet you know that, don’t you? I write on my journal from time to time and almost daily on my WhatsApp status, and those expire in 24 hours. WordPress is forever, and I hope to make this blog my primary creative outlet moving forward. Yaaay!
Before I started writing this one, I called my ex boyfriend. Do you talk to your exes? No? I had to call him because ‘RustyFingers’ was our passion project. We met many years ago and hit it off immediately, partly because of our shared love for literature, for writing, so when we finally started dating, we decided to run a blog together. The call went something like:
Njoki: Heeey! Did I catch you at a good time? Do you have time for a two-minute quickie conver…
The Ex: (before I could say the word ‘conversation’) Haha! I am never a two-minute man.
Njoki: (Major eye roll) You didn’t let me finish talking, and the word ‘quickie’ means anything that is done rapidly or quickly, not just coitus.
The Ex: Of course, Njoki. We can talk for ten minutes if you like…
Njoki: Can I make ‘RustyFingers’ my thing now?
The Ex: Yes, that’s not a problem. I have a few drafts saved by the way- wrote them about a month ago.
Njoki: Cool, thanks, Ex! Do you remember our Gmail account’s password?
The Ex and Njoki: (both laughing hard, one with a very deep voice) You know I do, and you do too… Hahahaa!!
(We talked a little longer and bid each other goodbye)
That password remains our thing. The blog is now ‘MY THING’, purely. I think after we broke up I found it hard to detach blogging from our relationship as we had it, so I never blogged since we weren’t together anymore. Additionally, procrastination (read ‘laziness’), questioning whether or not my work matters (like, who cares anyway? No one’s life depends on your writing, plus there are other bloggers that talk about what you can talk about so there’s probably no point.), and really, life just getting in the way.
LydiaKM in a recent reel said, ‘Keep creating. Honour that desire to create. You have no idea what your light could do to someone. That special thing you want to let out, please let it out. If you’re bogged down with doubt, remember that your light matters…’ Here’s the link: https://www.instagram.com/reel/CxVAn6SIhJl/?igshid=MWZjMTM2ODFkZg%3D%3D
Now, because I can, I have decided to get out of my own way, to stop being lazy, to stop being a terrible steward of the gift God has given me and heck, to stop questioning the essence of my work. My light matters, and so does yours. It may not be writing for you, perhaps it’s baking, singing, preaching, teaching dance, web design, name it. What (good) thing have you for a long time wanted to do but keep holding back, for whatever reason? Let this blog be your cue to keep going, or to even just start, and while at it, we can stop selling ourselves short and monetize our skills. A 2kg bag of maize flour goes for KSh. 230, and electricity tokens cost an arm, a leg and the left breast. Not fun!
For now I’ll commit to posting three blogs per month, so this is the first of many.
Thanks for stopping by. If you haven’t subscribed to my blog, I’m judging you. Subscribe noowwww, it matters. Don’t talk to your exes, well, unless you used to run a blog together, lol!
If there is anything this year that has been so real as to give meaning to a name, it has to be the rusty fingers of Rusty fingers. Here now to clean the cobwebs and clear the thicket, I want to promise you, the paradise lost is now found and the not so rusty fingers of Rusty fingers, after a proper soak in the white vinegar all rust is now wiped out. We genuinely missed you. How do you do? How really are you? This is no distraction to avoid a well-deserved apology. Have you heard of sabbaticals? This was one well deserved and needed, for the revamp of the rusty not so rusty. Another distraction? What happened? To admit that there has been lying, procrastination, work-shy, broken-promise, is not pretty a picture to paint, and being so human and you a beautiful human, extend the grace and forbearance an allowance to take us by the light and blight. Can we be friends again? I loved how you smiled, this relationship of ours is not toxic. It serves a purpose. A purpose as that of every human to another, though not often thought well about, appreciated, and accorded the apt affections, one cannot be blind to the human resource so rich. People are beautiful and nasty(rusty). Of the times, close to the end of a year, it is so commonplace to have moments to reflect, reminisce, be glad, cringe, sigh, cry, plan…(and I will leave a blank for you to add to the list). In it all choose gratitude. It will transform the torments of memory into silent joy, one that only you will see the elegance. And if still you find no elegance, bear whatever is becomingly and give up not hope for this is a divine gift that has seen men through the darkest of nights to the healing rays of dawn. Given the gift of the present, unwrap to reveal what you didn’t have. I present you to you. Be kind to you, relish you, enjoy you, take time to know, build and be you. Now is the best of times to try, try and try again. Why suddenly the serious not so serious, serious discourse? It is ever to you reader from our doing life together that we do life. And here, is home to all humans. We’re here now! We heard the screams and shouts, that deafening call to action, this is us responding. And more to it a promise not to be broken. The promise- we’re here now!
It is a toxic relationship; this relationship I’m having with writing. Writing has been forcing itself on me, when I can’t give it attention, or anything at all. Oh no! I give it an ‘I’ll catch you later.’ Then, when I try to catch it later, it gives me a ‘No-I’m-Not-Available-Now.-You-Refused-To-Give-Me-Time-The-Other-Day’ look. It has been like that, the last two months, but we recently had a conversation and we agreed to get back together. No one is coercing the other to be in this relationship- I promised to let go of all my side dudes, and I did, cos my relationship with writing matters that much to me. Let us see how it goes (I hope none of you is in such a relationship with a human being. If you are, dial this helpline number: #I.DESERVE.BETTER.24/7/365#)
First of all, hi please! I truly hope you’re well and that you missed Rusty Fingers. Did you? I hope you nodded your head. I started writing an article some time last month, and at the start! Yoh! I was really feeling it. Last weekend, I was telling my friends that I don’t know exactly how my creativity works. I don’t schedule my writing- an idea simply comes to me from the blues. From God! From the Universe! From the Idea Factory! Then I almost immediately sit, take my book and pen and write, without taking my eyes off the book. Yes! Till the last full stop. If I sleep on the idea for a day or two, the idea escapes, that when I feel like I’m ready to write, I have to chase the idea. I have to chase an idea that is running at a speed of a million miles per hour, while I’m running at three miles per hour. Is that jogging? Whatever man! I never catch the idea. That’s exactly what has been happening, because, well, I have been up and about a lot.
I wrote something, but didn’t publish, because, again, I chased the idea, felt like I had caught it, wrote, and then at the end felt like the article was premium trash. You don’t deserve such articles, cos you’re great. Here was my message: CLIMATE CHANGE IS REAL. DESTRUCTION OF HABITATS FOR WILDLIFE AND MARINE LIFE IS REAL. DO NOT LITTER. SAVE ENERGY. MAKE SMART PURCHASES- OF PRODUCTS PACKAGED IN BIODEGRADABLE MATERIAL, OR MATERIAL (LIKE GLASS) THAT YOU CAN RE-USE. THE WORLD IS FLASHING RED DANGER SIGNALS- IT IS SHOUTING SYSTEM FAILURE, AND IT IS SHUTTING DOWN! TAKE CARE OF EARTH- OUR HOME! Seriously. I’ll hopefully write an article on this issue very soon.
That should have been last month’s message. Here is today’s, which really isn’t a message, but something I’d want to let you in on. Something I’d also want you to do- taking stock of 2020- an idea I borrowed from my favourite vlogger- Sharon Mundia alias This Is Ess. Check out her content on YouTube. She is amazing!
1. Making:
Memories. I have been intentional about putting myself out to the world- for me to see it, together with my loved ones, to marvel at its beauty, and for it to see me too. For it to see that I love it, and perhaps it will bless me for that. It’s worth noting that I took my first trip to the Kenyan Coast last month! Who am I? (This is where you need to be nice enough to not burst my bubble if you’ve been there 84 times! Thanks!)
2. Eating:
Everything other than stones. Seriously, my eating habits are poor. I need the Lord. No, I need discipline. I pass close to mutura joints and I have to turn my head, to look away, so I can resist the temptation, but the aroma! It’s hard to ignore it. Boiled eggs with kachumbari. Tuskys hotdogs. Chipo mwitu. Ngumus. (I’m sorry if you’re not Kenyan and you don’t know what these things are. Translation would be injustice to the goodness of the aforementioned. Lol!) need the Lord. On some days though, I try to eat better. I think that’s worth something.
3. Drinking:
A litre of water a day. I know it is way less than the amount I should drink in a day, but for a person that would take only one glass a day some time back, I am doing well. I even got an app to remind me to hydrate. Whew! Also, Hibiscus herbal infusion is the truth, and chamomile tea is, oh, so soothing! Someone get me a Jamhuri Day gift- boxes of tea bags, and a two-litre water bottle. Easy tracking of my water intake, you know!
4. Reading:
Binyavanga Wainaina’s memoir- ‘One Day I Will Write About This Place’, and in the interest of full disclosure, I have to say that I’m struggling with this one. I can’t exactly tell you why. I mean, it’s not doing the thing for me, if you know what I’m saying, but then again, who stops reading a book when they’re halfway through? Do you? Would you? Cos nastruuugglleee (Chimano’s voice). However, I have loved a good number of books this year. I’ll share more about that in a separate post. Stay tuned, will you?
5. Wanting:
A Polaroid camera (Canon Zoemini C instant camera, specifically, in case someone wants to buy one for a girl.) We can get one at 200 dollars only. I want to make memories, and freeze time, with a camera, that produces hardcopy pictures instantly. I want to create an album that’s larger than life. It’d also be really great for my blog. Oh my goodness! I want a camera!
6. Playing:
Several songs on repeat, on my playlist.
a. Umbombela – Soweto Gospel Choir.
b. Sauti Sol’s Midnight Train album.
c. Psalms 34- Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir
d. Stand Up (From the movie ‘Harriet’)- performed by Cynthia Erivo, and other songs.
7. Wasting:
No money. I’m gradually learning financial discipline, because money is important, but using money well is importanter. I can’t even believe that a few months ago, I’d wonder why a woman would argue with a tout for charging her an extra 20 shillings. I’d think to myself ‘Just give him the 20 bob and have the noise all over and done with.’ I am here to tell you that I am that woman now. Every shilling counts.
8. Creating:
My business. I’ve wanted to say that for the longest time. Head over to http://instagram.com/g_aloe_w_up, to see exactly what I’m talking about. There’s something for you and for everyone else. I’m not here to lie to you. Creating this has pushed me out of, and beyond my comfort zone, and I’m hoping to keep doing my best with it.
9. Wishing:
There was no pandemic at this time, or ever. I’m wishing no one had to mourn their loved one because of this disease. Actually, I just wish we were all in the Garden of Eden, eating fruits, except of the tree in the middle of the garden, playing with lions, and really, just living the ideal life. Eve and Adam!! What did you do?
10. Enjoying:
The imaginations, dreams, I have of the future. I see an amazing life. I see a well-traveled lady. I see a happy mother and wife. A loving, helpful daughter, sister, aunt, grandchild, friend and citizen. I wish you could see what goes on in my head as I think of 35-year-old Njoki, eating life with a spade and getting those spades for everyone I love, because why not? I affirm every good thing, and doing what I can to get there. May life not surprise me. Amen!
11. Loving:
My almost-three-month-old nephew Armani. He’s the cutest, most innocent, happiest child, and I love him so much.
12. Hoping:
To achieve most, if not all, of the things I had set out to achieve at the start of the year. Of course the pandemic has ensured we’re in places we didn’t think we’d be at at this time, but I want to be able to say that I used my time well- to improve myself,to be there for others. I want to be useful, and I’m hoping to say that I have been, when I’m old and gray.
13. Marvelling:
At the ability of human beings to live through unbelievable times. I’ve seen single mothers doing the most for themselves and for their children, single dads deciding to dedicate their lives to the upbringing of their children, read about people leaving abusive relationships, cancer patients being positive and resilient, people surviving loss, of jobs, property and of their loved ones, and battling depression, and coming out of it stronger. I have seen orphans and street children defying the odds, making it in life and giving back to the society. We are endowed with so much strength, and I love it when we own that!
14. Smelling:
My Bath and Body Works body splash! I love it! Also, my nephew Armani- must be the Pampers wet wipes, Johnson’s baby oil and fabric softener. You know how little babies smell. Ugh! Love, love, love!
15. Wearing:
Long, floral skirts. They make me feel like the rich aunty who gives loans to everyone who needs money, and drives everyone to their houses at the end of events, when they don’t want me to pay their Uber fee. Haha! Aunty wa Harrier! Also, wearing sunscreen has been a game-changer (http://instagram.com/g_aloe_w_up). Hop onto this bandwagon already.
16. Following:
Only people that I should follow on social media. This is a story for another day.
17. Noticing:
That I’m saying ‘Yes!’ a lot more. I’m more adventurous now, and unapologetically going after things that spark joy in my life, where in the past I’d have excuses as to why I could not experience new places, new people; ‘Do I really have to? This is too scary. What if this goes wrong? What if I try to learn swimming and I drown while at it? What if I start this business and it fails? What if this guy breaks my heart?’ Now I’m just like ‘Truthfully, no one has to do anything, but this life is for the living, and no one comes out of it alive. So I might as well take chances, do new, exciting things, and live it while I’m here. Tomorrow is not promised.’ I read something theother day: I want a life that sizzles and pops and makes me laugh out loud… I want my everyday to make God belly-laugh, glad that He gave life to someone that loves the gift. I’m into that!
18. Knowing:
That God answers prayers. I have kinda always known that, but now, I really, truly know, and believe, that God meant it when He said ‘Ask and it shall be given unto you…’ When we pray in faith, God listens to us, and He answers us. I hope you believe that too.
19. Feeling:
A lot of emotions- mostly hopeful. Hopeful that these last days of 2020 will be better for everyone, compared to the other days we have had. I am hopeful that 2021 will not be 2020 ProMax. I am hopeful, that there will be restoration, healing and revival for all of us.
20. Bookmarking:
Almost every page on Dale Carnegie’s ‘How To Win Friends and Influence People’. Read that book if you haven’t. That’s all I’m going to say for now.
21. Opening:
Up more to the idea that forgiving people and trusting them again are different things. You can forgive someone and still not want them in your life, and that’s okay. Also, I am opening up more about my feelings. In the past, I’d keep my thoughts to myself, thinking the other person should be sober enough to figure out ‘how things should be.’ Communicating exactly what I’m feeling and what I want is doing me and my relationships well, for the most part.
22. Giggling:
At funny videos with Nigerian actors’ reactions. It gets me every time. Also, the ‘Spell Collins’ video, especially when Barbez imitates the guy. He is asked to spell Collins and he goes, ‘S-Q-Z-Y-R-O…’ Your ribs will crack.
I have had so much fun writing this article, and I’d totally want you to do this on your blog if you have one, or on your notebook. It’s a good way to know where you are right now, and super-helpful in charting the way forward for yourself.
I randomly pick #18. What’s the one thing you know for sure? What’s the one thing 2020 has taught you, or reminded you? Thanks for stopping by, you wonderful person. I’m judging you if you haven’t subscribed to this blog. Remember to spread love, joy and light in the spaces you find yourself in. Wear your mask when you step out. Wash your hands. Respect other Ministry of Health guidelines. Till next time! Be well!
I just wanna feel something , I just wanna feel, I just wanna feel something, I just wanna feel, Something really real, so that that I can feel like really real.
DON’T LOVE ME LIKE THAT.
‘This is how you’ve been making me feel all this while. You don’t even call me sweet names…’ said one beautiful person when we were breaking up many years ago. I said, ‘What the hell?’
Well, hi please! I hope you’re doing alright and if you’re not, please hang in there and do what you ought to do to feel better. I hope you know what that is.
The beautiful person just said they felt unappreciated cos I didn’t call him munchkin/darling/sweetheart all the time. I’d call him Ribashongilogasheshiakili! I know! You probably want to ask ‘Would you rather refer to him by his long name than call him honeybunch? I mean, that is his I.D! Really?’ I appreciated him. I mean, I bought him socks!! Hi ladies! Manufacturers of socks owe us one because they are probably nothing without us (or are they? Manufacturers of socks with no regular customers.)
Later when wisdom came by as my tenant, I realized how crucial this thing is- loving people how they want to be loved, not how we feel like we should love them, or how they want to feel loved. The only way, or the main way, they will feel really loved. Their love language.
I’m not saying I don’t love sweet names nor beautiful words. Who doesn’t love those? I feel like I gas myself up so much so that I don’t need it from others. Narcissist? No! Self love! Yes! You simply cannot rely on people to tell you good things about yourself, right? People mostly show love how they want it shown to them. I will more often than not buy gifts cos I love to receive gifts, not that relationships are transactional, but because that just happens to be how I feel really loved and well thought of. (Now, to friends who want to crucify me because I have never bought them gifts- THE DAY DRAWETH NIGH!)
This doesn’t just apply in boyfriend-girlfriend relationships. Parents have their love languages.,
where they never necessarily say, ‘I love you’ but will have you fit clothings they grabbed on their
way home or have some chicken in a foil just for you from a party only to abdicate the supper
responsibility. So do our siblings and friends. I’d write my mum sweet messages, because, words of affirmation! My dad will tell me to hand him my phone or put it away when he’s trying to talk to me- when telling me stories he finds exciting, that I’ve probably heard before. Or when he tells me how things were in Kenya during President Moi’s reign, and I’m peeping at my phone. Quality time?
This brings me to the point that: the person you felt didn’t love you probably did. They perhaps didn’t learn your love language, or they just insisted on showing you love in their own way, and you missed it. Well, of course, except if the person was toxic, e.g. violent. I’m here to tell you that there’s no love hidden in violence. It doesn’t matter so much that you didn’t know this then, but for the future, or now, here are the five love languages:
a. Words Of Affirmation
Self: encouraging yourself.
Positive self talk. You know how it goes.
Daily affirmations (Hi Winfrey Masese!💛). ‘I am pretty cool.’ ‘I have a small tummy.’ Haha! Say it to yourself till you believe it.
Journalling. Be in tune with your emotions.
Self- improvement: acquire skills, learn a foreign language, etc.
Others:
Write them a letter/poem/sweet random message/make a card.
Tell them why you love them, every so often.
Tell them you are proud of them and that you can see they are doing better for themselves.
Notice something exceptional about them and tell them and truly listen to them.
Say I LOVE YOU often.
God! Oh yes!
Hebrews 13:15 By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of [our] lips giving thanks to His name.
I’m pretty sure God knows He’s incredible and majestic, but He loves it when we praise and adore Him.
b. Acts Of Service
Self: doing things for yourself that make you feel good/ make life easier.
Cleaning.
Delegating duties- you don’t have to do everything.
Organizing- e.g. declutter closet.
Scheduling- plan on how to spend your time
Others:
Make a podcast/music playlist for them (Hi Marion!💛)
Do an errand/task they don’t enjoy doing. (Who will be washing our dishes? I’ll lose my mind!)
Ask, ‘What can I help you with?’ Often say, ‘Let me do that for you.’
Help them do amazing things for someone they love- organizing a birthday party, a baby shower event, anniversary party, name them!
God:
Mat 25:39-40 Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done [it] unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done [it] unto me.
Read: James 1:27 and chapter 13 to 17 of Mathew.
Christ washed His disciples’ feet, even though they could do it themselves, as a symbol of humility and service. We are God’s hands now, and we serve God by serving others- widows, orphans and your nextdoor neighbor whose welfare you’ve never thought of finding out. Share potatoes your grandma sends from upcountry, or give a few of (or a lot of) the chapati you make on Friday evenings.
c. Receiving Gifts
Self: treating yourself to gifts that make you happy.
Go out- nature trails, restaurants, etc.
Reward yourself when you feel that you should. Tell yourself ‘Hell Yes!’ to little gifts.
Smell like a tropical garden (eti usitembee huku nje ukinuka nguvu 😂. Translation: Don’t walk out here smelling like strength! I’m not kidding!)
Invest in yourself- get good products for yourself, like Forever Living products (http://instagram.com/g_aloe_w_up). (Click that link and follow for everything nice!). Don’t wear shoes that pinch your toes if you can afford to get another pair. Don’t use a toothbrush you bought in 2015. Please. Invest in yourself, we’re only here for a while.
Others:
Give them something you think they could use and enjoy.
Cook/ buy their favourite food.
Buy them meaningful gifts for special events.
Buy a clothing item they’ve been saying they want.
Take note of what they say they like, and make it happen for them when you can.
God:
Romans 12:1 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, [which is] your reasonable service.
There’s nothing we can give to God that He doesn’t already have. He gives us everything we have, or think we have, anyway. Give yourself to God and allow Him to use you, for you are His. It is the best expression of love- to give ourselves to Him!
d. Quality Time
Self: spending time alone, doing things you love.
Reading.
Meditation.
Take yourself out on dates.
Take time on hobbies and creativity- painting, writing, etc.
Relaxing. Sometimes, take time to just be. (Hi Peggy!💛)
Others:
Watch a movie/play (Hi Barbez!💛) together.
Bake/cook together (Hi Praxidis, Sharon and Nyaruri!💛💛💛💛)
Stroll together (Hi Anto!💛)
Regular date schedules.
Make eye contact and ignore your phone when talking to them.
Host game nights (Hi Rukunga!💛)
Work out together.
Pick up new habits together.
Love, really, is a four-letter word spelt T-I-M-E!
God:
Deuteronomy 17:19 And it shall be with him, and he shall read therein all the days of his life: that he may learn to fear the LORD his God, to keep all the words of this law and these statutes, to do them.
The king read God’s word- for guidance, wisdom and correction. We honour God with our time by spending it with Him- by reading the Bible, praying and worshipping Him.
e. Physical Touch
Self: things that make your body feel good and focus on your physical well-being.
Get soft blankets.
Take long showers. (Hi, my siblings! 💛💛)
Take care of your hair and skin, even when they act like they don’t care.
Move your body. Exercise!
Others:
Hug them.
Style/comb their hair.
Hold their hand (PDA, who dis?)
God:
Matthew 8:3 And Jesus put forth [his] hand, and touched him, saying, I will; be thou clean. And immediately his leprosy was cleansed. Jesus didn’t really have to touch the man to heal him. He could have healed the man at a word, but He chose to touch him. He touched a man who was considered unclean- an outcast. In the same way, we are expected to love everyone, even the ‘different’ ones. Especially the’different’ ones. That way, we will be touching God’s heart, and that, is life.
I feel like a very serious pastor right now, so before I start asking for offering, let me love you and leave you. It is of course worth noting that people don’t walk around with stickers in their foreheads written ‘Receiving Gifts Is My Love Language.’ We exist for a purpose greater than ourselves, and that includes other people. Pay attention to the people you love, and love them properly, loudly, in their own language.
Spread love and light in the spaces you find yourself in. Don’t forget to subscribe. (Scroll through the post and click on the ‘Follow+’ button, will you?
Khaaaiii!! (the ‘mathwiti-maingi-makeki maingi’ boy’s voice.) I’m sorry if you’re not Kenyan and at this point you think this is gibberish. Stay with me, still.
Hello, wonderful person! How are you doing? How are you feeling? Are you nurturing your body, mind and spirit? Yes? Keep at it!
In the interest of full disclosure, this blog post makes sense until this point. If you usually come here for wisdom, goodbye please, at least for now. The next post, I promise, will be for you? Have I ever lied to you?? Well, except the time I said I’ll be posting one article, every week?
Are you still reading? Hahaa! Well, rusty fingers have become really rusty- zero posts in five weeks!! Such a bummer! In our defense though, these fingers have had very many things to handle. These hands that carry these fingers. We recently lost a friend, a brother, to one of us, so Rasterman has been up and about a lot. He will write to you soon! He has been going to the hospital almost daily for the last two months or so. It felt like eternity, or a second even. To this effect, we are still contributing towards settling the hospital bill which stood at 850,000 Kenyan shillings at the time of his death. Would you be kind enough to send any amount to 0702796108- Nicholas Karichu? Your assistance will be highly valued, and you will make Jesus happy. You, too, will be happy.
Njoki here has been struggling and is slowly getting her groove back. Organising a diaper party, dealing with a nasty Covid 19 scare which made me so anxious! Now I’m dealing with mouth ulcers. I can barely eat you guys!! Who am I? Also, I’m kinda working on something that I’m pretty excited about. I can’t give details right now, but the ‘something’ requires my time, energy and emotions. Ha! I’ll talk about it in another blog post as soon as I can. You might want to support me and I know you’re here for that, aren’t you?
This was totally just me checking in, lest you forget about RustyFingers.
Oh! Right before I leave, I’d love to share something that has been bugging me and I hope I don’t sound cheesy. Heck if I do! I miss someone, okay? Her name is Anne Wairimu Waruinge. She was one of my best friends in primary school, but because our decision to move from where we used to stay to where we live currently was quite drastic, I didn’t get to bid her goodbye not get her phone number. I went back there some time and it goes without saying that most people have since moved. Nine years later, I am here, missing her so much! I cried on Monday and I couldn’t even believe myself. We had such an intimate bond- we’d cry and laugh together and write each other sweet notes- one of which I still have.
While it’s true we may reconnect and not bond as strongly, I’d just want to know that she is okay. That life has been treating her kindly and if not, I would want to be there for her, after everything she did for me. Feel me? She’s not on Facebook nor on Instagram, at least not with her official name. Perhaps she’s ‘Msupa Mpenda Maselfie’ and she’s making it difficult for me to find her. Please, as you and your friends help settle Ryan’s bill (0702796108- Nicholas Karichu), please help me find Anne Wairimu Waruinge. It’s at this point I realize that I should describe her. All I know is that she’s beautiful. She had long, black hair and should be as tall as I am right now (around 155cm). She might have cut her hair or dyed it orange, or grown taller, so forgive me.
Wait! She had loooonng eye lashes, a really white iris and had randomly-scattered brown dots in her eyes. That, for sure, hasn’t changed. Comment below if you think you know her. You might have been in the same school, or she’s your sister’s friend, your girlfriend’s ex boyfriend’s sister. Help me find her. There’s a prize!
If you have been struggling for whatever reason, there’s tonnes of information on how to be productive on YouTube. I especially love a channel called ‘Pick Up Limes’ run by the beautiful Sadia. Check her out.
My friends Kimathi and Nasimiyu have been on top of their blogging game as some of us are big on excuses. Check them out as well:
youngdocnet.wordpress.com
stumahway.com
One other thing I’ve been loving is Shofar!! It’s a singing group, and they sing, oh, so beautifully! I’ve listened to ‘Wedding Day’ a thousand times in a row. Check them out on YouTube also.
It feels like I’m giving shout-outs, so shout-out to you for reading this far! The next post will be up soon. Thank you for being patient. Thank you for texting to ask when you’ll be reading Rusty Fingers again- did a lot to show me that people actually care about our content. Let us keep praying for each other, washing our hands, respecting social distancing rules and other MoH guidelines, and spreading love and light in the spaces were in.
Don’t forget to subscribe if you haven’t! Hasta la vista!
I just had to throw this somewhere- for anyone who was in Sironga High School. Remember the guy from Theatrix Arts Ensemble who would act as Owuor Kembo and we’d all scream when looked so good? Especially when he went to Akoko’s village? My classmates, do you remember I was the go-getter that walked up to him after one of their shows and we had a beautiful conversation? Soooo, I reconnected with him! I got his number in my notebook and I reached out, and he was sooo happy! He still speaks well and wehave bothmoved on with our lives. He’s a cop now. His height had to be put to use- to serve our country. I’m selling his phone number- ten thousand bob for each digit. The obvious first digits ’07…’ are free.
Senjeeee, hello, hello, hello! (I hope you sang this line. If you didn’t, goodbye! Seriously, listen to Sauti Sol’s songs!!) It has been a hot minute and I truly hope you’re alright, in every sense- physically, spiritually, emotionally and socially, really. If you’re not, could you please talk to someone about it or something? Yes? Thank you!
So now, I’m not about to be those people (read ladies) that refuse to disclose their age for whatever reason and when asked to share their e-mail address, they gladly send: kerandinyandigisi1995@gmail.com, or loliondosister98@gmail.com. What are the odds Nyandigisi wasn’t born in 1995?
I turned 22 the other day and just like This Is Ess (you should totally check out her YouTube channel), I thought it wise to share 22 things I know for sure. 22 things I wouldn’t argue about, even if you wanted us to. Also, I’ve really been loving the song ’22’ by Taylor Swift sent to me by the lovely Stephanie Makula. My favourite line goes something like ‘…yeah! We’re happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time. It’s miserable and magical, oh yeah!…I don’t know about you but I’m feeling 22. Everything will be alright…’
Here are the 22:
1. It is okay to say ‘NO’. In fact, if it’s not a ‘Hell, yes!’ it most definitely should be a ‘No!’ (No, I won’t attend the party. No, I can’t afford that. No, don’t argue with me. Haha!)
2. Your family loves you, even when sometimes they act like they couldn’t care less about you or what’s going on in your life. They are not perfect, those members of your family, but they love you. You should too, if you don’t.
3. You need friends- not just those who have values like you, those who are like you. I have friends who are atheists, I have a 76 year-old friend and drug addicts who say they’re not. I’m yet to befriend a sorcerer, though I’m not sure I want to do that. Then again, why not?
4. Forgiving someone and trusting them enough to let them back in your life are different things. You can forgive someone and still not want them back in your life ever again, and that’s okay.
5. A man who is shorter than you should never get you stressed out. (My aunt gold me that and I believe her. Believe me too, ladies!)
6. Invest in yourself, unapologetically. You want a tub of Shea Moisture leave-in treatment for your hair that costs 25 dollars yet there’s another brand that costs 3 dollars? Get Shea Moisture. Let no one tell you nothing- just don’t rob a bank or get in debt.
7. Travel. Invest in travel. I haven’t been doing enough of this, but I try. Restaurants, museums, nature trails, game parks, heck! Even other countries if you can afford it. It opens up your mind, helps you to make friends and appreciate cultures different from your own. It relieves stress and being out in nature reminds you of how great our God is. I could go on and on, but seriously, the rewards are worth every penny.
8. Waking up early makes you have a longer* day and chances of being more productive are very high. I suck at this one, but I know this fact, for sure. Wake up early.
9. I can’t say this enough- reading is food for the soul. Read newspapers, a novel, short stories, world history, the Bible, the Quran. Even billboards. Read! It will broaden your scope and you’ll appreciate people’s brains because some authors!!! You’ll even enjoy more meaningful conversations because you will be knowledgeable, in whatever field you’re interested in.
10. Journal. Write your emotions and goals and gratitude lists. Put it all down on paper- helps you be in tune with your emotions and goals written down are more easily achievable than those that are everywhere in your head.
11. The Kardashians are hated for no reason. Those people motivate me! Not to get a lip job done, but to work really hard and not care about what people, who won’t be affected by any of my decisions, say.
12. Hydrate. Granted, you might spend some good time in the washroom, but the benefits of drinking water, hibiscus, are unmatched. I’ve been trying cos I’d drink water only when really thirsty. Shame on me!
13. I have more energy throughout the day when I move my body in the morning. Exercise is the truth- it even boosts the production of the happy hormone, dopamine, and maybe, just maybe, it will give you your dream body, if you have any.
14. There are things we need to deal with in order to be better humans- childhood trauma, esteem issues cropping from bad things we were told, things we believed, when we were unstable and hadn’t found our voice. Let’s face it. Therapy isn’t so Hollywood, is it?
15. Were it not for Safaricom, I’d be a millionaire right now. Seriously, financial education is important. Learn about insurance, savings, assets and liabilities, investment, even safety in your retirement, as early as possible. (I loved Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki.)
16. It is unfair to hate yourself. Your hair that’s not growing even after irrigating it with Cantu products, stretch marks, acne scars, cellulite, bad habits. Be gentle with yourself even as you try to change the changeable and love the unchangeable. Be gentle with yourself.
17. Challenging yourself is rewarding. Learn new skills and improve on those you have already. Learn a foreign language (Duolingo app is available for free, you’re welcome.) You’ll be amazed at how cool your brain is and you’ll feel pretty great about yourself too. Also, you can travel to Paris after all the French lessons, or to Spain!
18. The pain that comes with losing a loved one to the permanence that is death is indescribable. Show the people you love that you love then. Shout it, very loudly, in a language they understand. Tell them you love them. Hug them. Buy them gifts. Challenge them to be better. Support them. Encourage them. They are not here forever, and neither are you.
19. Consistency is always the test. You can choose to be working out, to avoid unhealthy foods, drink more water, journal, tithe… The big question is, ‘How consistent will you be? Will you go for morning runs only twice, have sore feet and decide to quit on the third day?’ Evaluating yourself honestly ever so often and rewarding yourself works, all the time!
20. You’re more blessed than you think you are- a roof over your head, a loving family, food on your table, a rather peaceful country, you can read these words off your screen, you’re sensitive to touch, you don’t need to use a colostomy bag, you can smell effortlessly. Be grateful. Very grateful.
21. Having mentors and role models for different aspects of your life is important. People you can look up to and even be accountable to- for career, spiritual matters, health and fitness, fashion and style, et cetera.
22. Protect your peace, and your self, no matter what it takes. Leave toxic relationships. Don’t eat bad food. Don’t clown around. Unfollow negative people on social media. Protect your peace.
BONUS TIP: Do what makes you happy, do what makes you smile, everybody is judging anyway. You’re only here for a while… Raha usijinyime (I hope you sang this line as well. Another thing I know for sure- Sauti Sol boys band is one of the greatest blessings to humanity.)
Sharing this makes me really happy, and I hope you’re happy too. Thanks for stopping by!
Share this with your people, and if you’ve read this article to this point and you haven’t subscribed yet, I’m judging you. Like this post if you did, and subscriiibbbbeee! Whew! That felt a lot like a YouTube video jazz. Ha!
Spread love and light in the spaces you find yourself in, today and every day. Be well!
Rusty Fingers 