Hey! How are you? What have you been up to lately? I have been eating, sleeping, reading, working around the house, getting very shocked on watching news from all around the world, because of, you know what- COVID 19! You’ve probably heard enough about this whole thing and I am definitely not here to echo all that and make you scared, if you’re not yet. I hope you are staying safe, and that you are in touch with your friends and your grandparents (you’re blessed if they are here. Hallelujah!)

I know, the topic is rather different. You are not special. You’re so used to hearing words like, ‘You are very special. No one is like you. You deserve to be treated well by everyone. You are extra-ordinary…’ No! YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL.

Here’s why. See, I grew up in Dagoretti Corner, and that meant that the closest supermarket was Nakumatt Junction (Nakumatt was the real deal then! It went down like our economy is right now, and sadly, some of our hopes and aspirations). That was not the point. I remember seeing very rich families- Kenyan, Asian and American families, and the shock on my face when a kid would scream in the supermarket so the parents would buy a toy that cost 100 US dollars, or a box of Belgian chocolate. I think what shocked me more was not the kids’ drama nor the parents’ helplessness and lack-of-options that made them buy the very things. It was imagining myself crying like that and seeing myself spending a night or three in the hospital bed because of the injuries inflicted on me by my folks. The people that bore me. Yes! Such behaviors would simply not be entertained, and we understood that. Perfectly! We would never go shopping minus a list- of maize flour, sugar, wheat flour, soap, and other basics and snacks whose prices made sense, to my parents. Hello, my sister Margaret and brother Peter! I love you two.

Our baby has that thing too- where ‘NO’ cannot be an answer. ‘I want yoghurt right now,’ and I tell him we will buy the next day and he gets mad. I am talking about entitlement. I think it is innate to want good things for ourselves and want people to give us what we want, and treat us how we want to be treated, and tell us things we want to hear, like ‘Yes. Let us go buy yoghurt right now.’ I see it in my relationships with people- with friends, and family, even strangers. A woman heavy with child would expect you to open the door and let her pass before you do even though you got there before she did. You should not let her queue. She should be the first one to be served, and I am glad our society mostly has respect for women, and for people who are disabled (read, abled differently), but really, it is just for that! Respect! Kindness! Being considerate! They are not entitled to it- a person who refuses to give up their seat for the lady will not get arrested, yes?

I got curious and decided to do a bit of research on matters entitlement. According to psychologists Jeffrey Young and Janet Klosko, entitlement is one of several self-defeating behavior patterns, called ‘life traps.’ There are three types:

Spoiled entitlement
A person sees him/herself as special, is demanding and controlling and wants everything his/her way.
Dependent entitlement
A person feels entitled to depend on other people. They place themselves in the weak, incompetent, needy role and expect other people to be strong and take care of them.

Impulsivity
A person has difficulty controlling his/her behavior and feelings. They let other people assume responsibility for their everyday affairs and their decision-making. They lack organization and structure and have trouble tolerating frustration while completing long-term boring or routine tasks.

I am not a psychologist, however I am definitely a people person who seeks to meet people and experience them, to know why they do what they do, you know! I have interacted with those who feel entitled for whatever reason, and I am not oblivious of the fact that I also exhibit signs of entitlement, and on such days I force myself to slow down, because I should. Entitled people do not look at themselves and often blame others for their problems. They lack empathy and feel entitled to more than that they give. Entitlement, let’s agree, is such an ugly way to be in the world. Can you remember reading about incidents where a man axed a girl to death because she rejected him? He could not handle a ‘NO!’ in a healthy way. It is why an old uncle will want to rape his niece because the girl’s parents died and he has taken care of her all her life. So she owes him that. Her body. It is why a priest will sodomize boys in the orphanage he established to help children from poor families. It is why a politician would refuse to accept defeat in an election. ‘I was supposed to win. I deserve victory. How could they possibly refuse to elect me? ´ You know what happens next? War! People lose their lives. Terrible, isn’t it?

From another angle, entitlement can be valuable. The belief that we have the right to take care of ourselves, the right to be respected by others and the right not to be hurt by them is crucial to our emotional well-being. It helps us set boundaries- it defines what we can and cannot accept- something any sober person would totally advocate for.
We are social creatures and while we interact, it is inevitable that we will have expectations from people. It is expecting my boyfriend (where are you?) to remember everything, and I will get really mad if he forgot my birthday. I expect him to remember. Parents are expected to be there for their children. I tell my dad I am grateful every time he gives me my fee slip, because as much as I am his daughter and he is responsible for my financial issues right now, I know there are people with fathers that are not really there for their children. I am not talking about those that genuinely don’t have the ability. This is about the irresponsible ones- you know one or two. We all think they are terrible, right? There would be more happy people in the world when there are less frustrations in relationships; when expectations are realistic, and when not met, addressed in amicable ways.
We need to understand that others also have their needs. Only when we learn to manage the balance between our needs and those of others can we have genuinely satisfying, intimate, life-affirming relationships with other people.

A Christian blogger, Trent Hamm puts it like this, ‘…being respectful of other people’s needs and wishes, while not neglecting our own is satisfying.’
I hope you will purpose to only pursue healthy relationships, that you will not be toxic to anyone by expecting too much from them, that you will not allow yourself to be manipulated by anyone into doing things for them because they made you believe that you owe them that. Boyfriend, do not forget her birthday. Also, get a new toothbrush because it has been a minute.

Now more than ever, be well.
Share this with those you love, follow Rusty fingers. Merci beaucoup!

Also, can someone share this article with a politician? We are entitled to access to healthcare facilities, equality, security, etc. That’s by all means a healthy sense of entitlement- you can take that to the bank.

“The temporality of all things, even of those we most cherish and most wish would stretch into eternity so that when love does vanish, we are left with the irrevocable gladness that it had entered our lives at all and animated them for the time that it did.” These are some of the words of Epictetus. Words to be borrowed and wisdom is to be found. How much soberness and a somber mood, these words bring. The shadow of grief. The suffering inevitable, the pain unimaginable, the paths, a horror to walk on, and such a dark tunnel to walk through.
In the preceding words, of this stoic philosopher, (perhaps this is where I should have started-“…That the antidote to this gutting grief is found not in hedging ourselves against prospective loss through artificial-self-protections but when loss does come, in orienting ourselves to it and what preceded it differently in training ourselves not only to accept but to embrace…”
Leaves you to ask,” how one would then be used to the, “temporality of all things”?” I honestly have the balancing tears as I write this, for dear are them I have seen take the journey of no return. Never getting to say what I would want, see what with time I have become, the future in my mind I wanted us to be in…but what is death?

“It is useless,” the man of much wisdom once said. A much lesser quote by Joan Didion,” Grief when it comes is nothing like we expect it to be.” It is whole in many pieces, mixed feelings and at times a tone of thoughts and endless questions. It’s such certainty, a central certainty of our existence. Life is surely unfair. I close my eyes and the images of them left are so clear in mind. I can almost touch, feel and talk to them but then…
It is a raw nerve that is touched. Nothing can hoard us from its consuming grip. One would think from much of the news about loss at some point it is going to get better. The breaking news is: It will be new, like again witnessing the rise of the sun, that though yesterday you saw it and experienced it, today is another day, you will still see it and have to experience it afresh. Where is this joy that comes in the morning?
Knowing that twitter lies a little, and though with a pinch of truth it is sprinkled sparsely, one finds tweets that so resembles if not reflect such truth times and moments and, at times with this, so much sense is tied in these succinct words. Donovan Mitchell tweets: Man if 2020 is telling us anything …. it’s telling us: enjoy the moments we have and don’t take any day…. anything… or anyone for granted.
I saw you nod your head. It feels as if one would unplug this year and run it again to just see whether the “glitch” that is here will still be there. The head of death has really glared its ugly head from the coverings and the shadow it’s casting…OH! LORD!! St. Augustine said, “Love, but be careful what you love.” How do you even do that? How do you then live? Man is not an Island, and if he be he will have inhabitants. We will ever be social; we are social beings. It’s love we crave, it’s a partner we want, it’s a pat on the back, It’s the voice to remind us we can, it’s where home is.

So here with a loss: a lost pat, a lost assurance, a lost laughter, lost love, lost home, lost a piece if not the whole of you. What great raid?! Ah!
With such wise words did Abraham Lincoln write in regards to a friend dealing with loss and in grief, “…The memory of your dear Father, instead of an agony, will yet be a sad sweet feeling in your heart, of a purer and holier sort than you have known before.” Though not your father you have lost, grief has knocked and resides in some place in your heart. I am sorry; I really am. With such astuteness Maria Popova observes that, to retain the memory of love’s sweetness without letting the pain of partying and loss embitter it, is perhaps is the greatest challenge for the bereaved heart and its greatest achievement.
Grief most times narrows and blunts the wider and longer view of life. To what “…wider and longer view of life…”be (back to Epictetus words) “… that the antidote to this gutting grief is found not in hedging ourselves against prospective loss through artificial-self-protections but when loss does come, in orienting ourselves not only to accept but to embrace the temporality of all things, even those we most cherish and most wish would stretch into eternity so that when love does vanish, we are left with the irrevocable gladness that it had entered our live at all and animated them for the time that it did.”
Acceptance….
Take a moment…
You see them? They are gone…yes! They left us … It is a void they leave with us. They were not selfish regardless their exit. The wheel of life turns, “Why did it have to be them?” who knows? Are we not all on a journey, sojourners in this phase of life? What do you think of the uncountable stars in the sky? If there be a GOD, is HE unfair? How the beam balance has to balance?!
I wish not a paralyzing devastation, that though no perfect relief except with time, you sure to be happy again. You sure to live a life, you sure to enjoy the blissful times that are to follow. Endeavour to go through the hard times of sorrow, mourning, heartbreak and misery. The sun will shine again tomorrow. Flowers will once again blossom. The grass will again be green.
And to them before us preceded, from time to eternity, in this time to hold eternity, to the memories, to the smiles and tears, to the aches and ease, to the tears and cheers thank you for the little or much.
To end this, my reader, rusty fingers entreats you mull over this,’ The greatest dignity to be found in death is the dignity of the life that preceded it.”
Endeavor to live, will you?

Bonjour! We learnt Hawaiian the other day (Aloha, remember?) You otherwise would have parted with some good dimes to get these lessons, but I am here for you. You are welcome! How are you? I mean this in every sense. Socially? Physically? Emotionally? Spiritually? How are you? I truly hope you are fine, and if you’re not, I truly hope and pray you will be better sooner than later. You need to be fine, yeah? (You better respond “yeah”)
I was to write this article two weeks ago, but I could not, so here I am now.
Are there not moments your eyes get to see beauty, beauty beyond, awesomeness in its fullness, that not only your sense of sight gets to see but you get to relate with every sense and though intense, every sense senses.
Here is a story of my sense of sight and other senses, I hope it makes your senses intenses.
(Based on a true story….)

My friend and I were walking hurriedly to the exam hall, all tensed, anxious, and almost scared, for the “beast” we were supposed to face. You know, those units that make you doubt your intellect and threaten your sanity? That is beside the point anyway. Here is the point- I witnessed something that I hadn’t ever. No! Not a comet that was falling on earth…I saw a beautiful woman!
Don’t get it twisted. I have seen very many beautiful women before, but this one was B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L! I don’t really know what words are appropriate here, but, stay with me. The world has somehow set a standard for beauty for women mostly. She should not be heavy, she should be slender, petite is the “thing.” Flawless skin is what is acceptable. American height? Yes to the yes! Don’t be too short. Stretch marks are not attractive at all. Cellulite should be hidden in jeans and long-sleeved tops, even when it feels like the sun is closer to the earth, or they (the sun) are suddenly two! Also, very kinky hair is neither professional nor attractive. Straighten it out or better yet, please relax it (like it is stressed. I hope you have watched the movie Nappily Ever After). That is why most beauty magazines will have slender women, with faces beat for the gods on their cover page, and in the few instances they have a BBW, as people love to refer to them, they follow it up with expert advice on how to lose weight, especially belly fat (did you not think of the “potty”) and fat around the arms.

That is why at the very back of these magazines, there are adverts of skin-lightening creams, weight-loss pills and teas, whose mode of operation I don’t understand. There are also a million options of hair-relaxers, but they forget to mention that they burn our scalp and cause our hairlines to recede, and make our hair control us and what we can or not do- do not play in the rain. Swimming is not fun anymore. Don’t go for boat-riding with unbraided hair.

The lady I beheld, in all her glory, her grace, had everything going on for her. I hope this sounds okay- she actually was about twice my size. More than 100 kilograms of awesomeness! She was short, making her weight more pronounced, and had worn a short dress, without sleeves. I couldn’t help but notice the cellulite on her thighs, the stretch marks on her arms and I said it out loud, ensuring it was not loud enough for her to hear whatever it was I had to say. It wasn’t until my friend responded that I realized how terrible I was. My exact words were, “Wow! Look at that girl. She is very confident. Yaani haogopi kuangaliwa hivyo vyote na watu?” She attracted a lot of attention from people. I felt disturbed by the fact that I actually thought something was wrong with some of the aspects of her appearance. That she needed to hide some things, not because she wanted to, but so she could avoid being looked at, some type of way. My friend turned and said, “Yes! She is confident. Njoki you cannot even wear a vest because of your back and arms…” Ouch! This was my wake up call. I was shook, then I realized my reaction stemmed from my own insecurities.

Recurrent eczema and severe acne on my back made me prefer tops that hide all that stuff, so I didn’t have to answer the questions that I would find annoying, “What is wrong with your skin? What happened?” For those that knew not to ask any question, the long stares were louder. For a long time I loathed going to the swimming pool, not that I know how to swim anyway, but I just did not want questions.
Perfection is really an illusion, yet it is what we are all chasing. It is okay to not exactly love everything about ourselves, but it is not okay to let our insecurities hold us back. The flatness in places you would have wanted curves. The scars you would give anything to fade. The stretch marks, those lines, are extra lines to love. Your hair that doesn’t seem to grow as fast as you’d love it to, or isn’t as soft and curly as your sister’s or mother’s, is yours to take care of. The nails you keep biting, are yours to really take care of, and love!
The one suffering from obesity would, do a lot better when reminded of the benefits of having a mass within the acceptable range, for the health reasons, not when told to take expensive pills to lose weight fast, nor ‘Men don’t love big girls.’ We should be taught to take care of our different skin types, not getting tips on how to be lighter in 7 days. This cuts across, for men and women alike. Men who lack sleep because they think their girlfriends have cheated on them because they have one strong village where they would have wanted six packs. We will be celebrating Women’s Day, and for the women that came before us- the women that bore us and raised us, let us love ourselves and love each other, and create healthy spaces where none of us feels inadequate because of what we have or don’t have. Let us root for each other enough to say, ‘Yes! We will work out together to achieve your goal weight, but I am loving you anyway. There is more of you to love and experience, than your weight which you wish was different.’ Don’t get it twisted. Loving and accepting ourselves does not mean we will not improve aspects of ourselves that can be improved, but we will not beat ourselves up for things we have no control over, like our unusually big toes. Ha! We cannot trim those, or our size 7 and 8 feet, for which we cannot get shoes at thrift stores.
You are enough. It is ridiculous how enough you are. I hope you believe me. Meghan Trainor in a song I love (All about That Bass) says, ‘Every inch of you is perfect, from the bottom to the top.’ If you don’t believe me, at least believe her, cos, she’s awesome, and if you believe in God and His Word, and you should, David writes in Psalms 139:14, ‘I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works: and that, my soul knows right well.’ Know that right well. Spread love and joy in the spaces you find yourself in.
Till next time, be well!

With the red theme, it’s time I joined the masses. The old adage has been and still is “if you can’t beat them join them.” Now, is when cupid has random arrows in his quiver and me (the faithful assistant) I’m painting people red especially them, of completely no match. How the red screams danger and aliens here on earth are screaming love!! Human beings in Jupiter, must be dying to get on earth to witness this rare spectacle. Earth must have changed its color from the lively blue to red, boiling magma.
It’s to be 14th if it is already not.
Valentines!!
“Yaaay!” I mean @!&^#@.
I meant to say shucks but we all do that in the toilet( It’s funny how things have changed and all for the worse especially for the common folks who being on either side of the poverty line, (them the line is chasing and them chasing the line) the demand to supply is more than the supplier can fulfill the ‘market’. The economic times at this particular time is of no favor to anyone. I’m told meat is no longer sold in the famous “kaquora”, “kanuthu”,” gakiro” and for them from the suburbs”. (Forgive me rich kids, I’m only fighting for the scraps here.)
I’ve taken a keen interest to have my x-ray glasses on so as to see the “inner beauty” of the men and women, as I walk by the streets and it’s like opening history from the incognito tab. (we all know we have sinned…. And here is a prayer, ”forgive us Father for we have sinned”)
Walking with cupid has been fun. Until now he has shot no shot. I’ve tripped over and over and rather than paint deserving men and women red, I’ve randomly spilled on them the paint and none has complained. That’s a red flag! (It could be you were painted red!!) You are not in danger you are the danger! And here you are screaming love at the top of your voice, Buoy!! That is messed up.
“Akili ni nywele” and rusty finger has a Rasta man, therefore no way this would be anything below a dissertation by a PhD holder defending their thesis.
I’m not submitting one, however I will have my observations and my story about person x, why they are now retired, the slang is “ex”, and if there is person y, and why? These are some juices, you have to be hydrated remember.
On this cursed land I have seen beautiful stories. The candle marrying the wax. The moon going for the sun. The chaff going for the wind. The peace going for the storm. The innocent going for the guilty. The prey going for the predator. The loyalty condescending for the commoner. The beauty going for the beast. White going for dirt. And the question is why always that?
We will possibly grow old faster trying to decode this. Though there are lessons to be learned more than there is to shun the “L” word. It’s always beautiful until you want to keep it for yourself. It is for the good of the people, by the people, to the people. Keep it to self and you eat the apple and you mess life in the garden of Eden and it’s now a life of toil, sweat, regret and death.
Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it does not boast, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not self-seeking, it keeps no record of wrongs. It does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
In all definitions of love this is more home. No wonder love “misfits”. But is it really misfits? Is it really blind?

Aloha! (This is me practicing my knowledge on the Hawaiian language cos that’s my next holiday destination. Amen!) Aloha is “Damn January!”
So hello!? Are you alright, in this year called January? Or Njaanuary as most of y’all like to call it? Let’s stick with January for the sake of our readers from America, Timbuktu, Ouagadougou, Kiribati and South Africa who don’t know what ‘njaa’ is, you know!
Most people have this attitude about this month- it for some reason feels longer than it actually is. I’m told to write this in small fonts, January might see and swallow codeine. The pockets are more often than not empty, actually, they are non-existent!! All of a sudden there is a silent declaration you are a vegan and the meat you have is what you have on your bones. January is sure the enemy of the people. The enemy of progress. An abusive relationship, such strong adhesive forces at work until death….
Having some you exposing your perfect lives, I happen to snoop around. And one thing is true for a majority of you – YOU CAN’T WAIT FOR THE MONTH TO END! Talk of the devil…

I really don’t get why you’re feeling like that.(My apologies) January is when I have the most money and I feeling like I’m on top of the world. Everything is perfect on my end! That’d be me lying to you. I really have nothing much against this month. Being broke has never been much of a big deal though (I have no salary, so brokeness=lifestyle! Ha!) Also, I feel like the month should stay here with us longer because I have exams early next month and I low-key (actually high-key, like the highest key there is) feel that more time would ensure more preparation. You Feel me? No? Yes? It’s whatevs! Whatever we feel or want or need will not change time’s mind. Today is 29th January, and the next will be the 30th day of this month in this decade.
(Disclaimer: Rastaman here is as white as snow. I suffer with all you folks in this quicksand. In this slough of despond I relate and feel you. Njoki knows Bill Gates, how does Njaanuary not affect her?)

There is a woman I love, Patricia Kihoro, if you don’t follow her, you really should. She’s so real! So perfect, yet so human. Ah! I could write a 10000-word blog about her but that’s beside the point. In her most recent post, she asked, ‘Anyone else struggling through January? I’ve been feeling like I’m stuck in really thick mud or quick sand, and it’s taking so much more effort to do things that usually don’t require so much energy…’ She went on to ask people to share their experiences and boy, oh boy! People are having it rough! From finally acknowledging past trauma that is affecting them, being in abusive relationships, trouble acquiring an education, others being diagnosed with severe depression with psychotic features, anxiety attacks even while having a basic conversation about the weather, etc. Very many things are holding people back and I don’t know what your issue is (read, issues are). If you’re struggling to build momentum for this New Year, this new decade, you are not alone. One day at a time! Seek help when you need to.(call a friend, visit your grandparents, unplug for a day… Do whatever works for you!) Take care of yourself even when taking a shower feels like a task.(We know with the current weather, you are free of your sins.)
If you haven’t hit the gym yet, or if you did only on 4th and 5th January, if you drank water last on Saturday morning, if you’re still getting late to every place, if you haven’t read a single page of any book, do not be hard on yourself. Actually be hard on yourself!(though not too hard). Tell yourself it was a trial month (though there is really no such thing) and purpose to do better, because you deserve better. You better “bet,tetter” your better.
Time is a holy mystery. It does not matter what kind of time it is- Greenwich, Standard, Mountain or Pacific. We just never seem to have enough of it, and that should not stop you from doing what you ought to – you are here now! Life, in January, in July and December, is like a series of surviving quicksand; there are always things to be done. Don’t let the quicksand swallow you. You won’t love it!
Also, February is just (count your fingers lazy bones!!There is no way you will fail to go to the gym, fail to go for the morning jogs and I still count days to your date! Huh!) Februar-yay!

If there’s nothing you love about January, I thought you’d love this:
Leap years exempted, January. In leap years, January always begins on the same day as April and July! How cool is that?
Enjoy every day of your life, and spread love and light in the spaces you find yourself in. Be well!

Aloha! (This is me practicing my knowledge on the Hawaiian language cos that’s my next holiday destination. Amen!) Aloha is “Damn January!”
So hello!? Are you alright, in this year called January? Or Njaanuary as most of y’all like to call it? Let’s stick with January for the sake of our readers from America, Timbuktu, Ouagadougou, Kiribati and South Africa who don’t know what ‘njaa’ is, you know!
Most people have this attitude about this month- it for some reason feels longer than it actually is. I’m told to write this in small fonts, January might see and swallow codeine. The pockets are more often than not empty, actually, they are non-existent!! All of a sudden there is a silent declaration you are a vegan and the meat you have is what you have on your bones. January is sure the enemy of the people. The enemy of progress. An abusive relationship, such strong adhesive forces at work until death….
Having some you exposing your perfect lives, I happen to snoop around. And one thing is true for a majority of you – YOU CAN’T WAIT FOR THE MONTH TO END! Talk of the devil…

I really don’t get why you’re feeling like that.(My apologies) January is when I have the most money and I feeling like I’m on top of the world. Everything is perfect on my end! That’d be me lying to you. I really have nothing much against this month. Being broke has never been much of a big deal though (I have no salary, so brokeness=lifestyle! Ha!) Also, I feel like the month should stay here with us longer because I have exams early next month and I low-key (actually high-key, like the highest key there is) feel that more time would ensure more preparation. You Feel me? No? Yes? It’s whatevs! Whatever we feel or want or need will not change time’s mind. Today is 29th January, and the next will be the 30th day of this month in this decade.
(Disclaimer: Rastaman here is as white as snow. I suffer with all you folks in this quicksand. In this slough of despond I relate and feel you. Njoki knows Bill Gates, how does Njaanuary not affect her?)

There is a woman I love, Patricia Kihoro, if you don’t follow her, you really should. She’s so real! So perfect, yet so human. Ah! I could write a 10000-word blog about her but that’s beside the point. In her most recent post, she asked, ‘Anyone else struggling through January? I’ve been feeling like I’m stuck in really thick mud or quick sand, and it’s taking so much more effort to do things that usually don’t require so much energy…’ She went on to ask people to share their experiences and boy, oh boy! People are having it rough! From finally acknowledging past trauma that is affecting them, being in abusive relationships, trouble acquiring an education, others being diagnosed with severe depression with psychotic features, anxiety attacks even while having a basic conversation about the weather, etc. Very many things are holding people back and I don’t know what your issue is (read, issues are). If you’re struggling to build momentum for this New Year, this new decade, you are not alone. One day at a time! Seek help when you need to.(call a friend, visit your grandparents, unplug for a day… Do whatever works for you!) Take care of yourself even when taking a shower feels like a task.(We know with the current weather, you are free of your sins.)
If you haven’t hit the gym yet, or if you did only on 4th and 5th January, if you drank water last on Saturday morning, if you’re still getting late to every place, if you haven’t read a single page of any book, do not be hard on yourself. Actually be hard on yourself!(though not too hard). Tell yourself it was a trial month (though there is really no such thing) and purpose to do better, because you deserve better. You better “bet,tetter” your better.
Time is a holy mystery. It does not matter what kind of time it is- Greenwich, Standard, Mountain or Pacific. We just never seem to have enough of it, and that should not stop you from doing what you ought to – you are here now! Life, in January, in July and December, is like a series of surviving quicksand; there are always things to be done. Don’t let the quicksand swallow you. You won’t love it!
Also, February is just (count your fingers lazy bones!!There is no way you will fail to go to the gym, fail to go for the morning jogs and I still count days to your date! Huh!) Februar-yay!

If there’s nothing you love about January, I thought you’d love this:
Leap years exempted, January. In leap years, January always begins on the same day as April and July! How cool is that?
Enjoy every day of your life, and spread love and light in the spaces you find yourself in. Be well!

Hey! How are you? I know! It has been a minute, and I know you probably had forgotten that your girl Njoki still writes. Heck, I was tempted to forget too at some point, but I’d be lying if I said I did. I have been stressing about why I cannot be consistent with my blogging, until stressing was the only thing I could do- instead of taking my PC, expressing my thoughts and sharing it with you guys, but guess what? Here I am now! The last time you heard from me was around 9 months ago, and in case you’re wondering why I decided to take this up again, here’s the thing. It is normal for most of us to be quite introspective as the year draws to a close- how am I doing? Am I taking care of myself? Am I loving my people as I should? Am I working on my weaknesses and insecurities? Have I achieved even a half of my year’s resolutions that I so thoughtfully set at the beginning of the year? You know what the answer to the last question is? Best believe it’s a HELL NO! Sad, right?

I was to work out for 30 minutes every day, and I did for 4 days in a row sometime in January, and then later, almost only twice every month, after pushing myself, ‘Seriously Njoki, you have been eating a lot of mandazi and chapatti lately. Move your body a little, cos the only walk you take is to the hotel, to get chapatti, and mandazi…’ (I don’t know why my auto-correct is suggesting chapatti* instead of chapatti; makes it look like a cool Italian meal, aye, so chapatti!). I couldn’t stand the pain on my limbs after doing the donkey kicks, planks and squats, so I quit working out, and I managed to convince myself that it is never that serious anyway. I wrote a few articles at the beginning of the year, then later got so many excuses to not write. ‘I will write after finishing the Ascent program I am part of (story for another day) because it requires a lot of my time and effort.’ Then exams came and I said I’d write once I’m done. Holiday came and I thought the industrial attachment was too much for a girl- and here we are! Excuses for the last 9 months. How many newborns have been brought to the world since? I could go on and on, telling you how I have failed myself, but I will not, lest you judge me, and I cry at the realization of how much time I have wasted.

I don’t know about you. Are you satisfied with what you have been able to achieve for yourself? Yes? I respect you for that, I do! No? You are not alone.

I may not have done most of the things I wanted to, but I am very glad I got to read the book ‘Girl, Stop Apologizing’ by Rachel Hollis, and I would tell the whole world that it is the best book for anyone trying to set and achieve goals. I doubt any Homo sapien sapien belonging in the male species would want to read the book, and I understand, because, the title! Thou shouldst worry not, Everyday 24:7. I wrote brief notes for you. You are welcome!

Excuses To Let Go Of

• I am not a goal-oriented person; be a goal-digger.
• I don’t have time; don’t scroll through your Instagram feed for 3 hours a day. Reconfigure the time you have, plan a weekly schedule, dedicate at least an hour a day for working towards your dream, and treat the time as sacred. When something is sacred, you protect it!
• I am not enough to succeed; the feeling of not being good enough will prevent you from proving to yourself that you are actually really good.
• I am terrified of failure; be afraid of never achieving anything.
• It’s been done before; YOU have never done it before.
• What will they think; it does not matter. Just do it!

 

Behaviors To Adopt

• Stop asking permission; be really you.
• Choose one dream and go all in; focus on dream at a time, to be really exceptional at it.
• Embrace your ambition; ambition is not a dirty word.
• Ask for help; you will need it.
• Build foundations for success; eat well and hydrate, practice gratitude daily, wake up early (this is the catch).
• Stop allowing them to talk you out of it- you know what achieving your dreams would mean to you.
• Learn to say no; if it isn’t a hell yes, then it’s a no!

 

Skills To Acquire

• Planning; have a starting point, mile-markers to act as guide-posts and a finish line. What would you really want to accomplish?
• Confidence; how you look, how you act, who you hang out with. It all generally affects how you feel about yourself. Agree?
• Persistence; it doesn’t matter how long it takes, provided you’re doing your best.
• Effectiveness; actually do the work. Replace your to-do-list with a results list, create your own productive environment, know what distracts you and avoid that thing and do a personal efficiency audit to figure out where you need to tighten up and shift your focus.
• Positivity; believe in your capable self!

Those nuggets, in that big nutshell, should be weapons in your arsenal. The reason why we start and stop is because our ‘why’ is not strong enough. Why do you want to lose weight? Why do you want to start drinking 2 liters of water a day? Why do you want to hit the gym? Why do you want better grades? Why do you want to pursue a better relationship with your parents? With your boyfriend? A strong ‘why’ will keep you in check, and it will be the reason quitting will never be an option even when pursuing your dreams seems hard. I will write one article every week because it gives me some sense of satisfaction. It is gratifying to express myself in writing. I will work out and eat healthier because I love my body, and I need to give it love so it can keep loving me back. Also, who knows? We might do enough planks and have a body like J-Lo’s. The possibilities are endless!

I am excited for 2020, and before your pastor tells you this, let me do it. ‘2020 is your year! Say these words after me- 2020 is my year, and no! Not because I will pray the year away and wait for miracles, but because I am going to work, I will be practical, positive and productive and efficient, and I will set realistic goals for myself and reward myself when I should. Amen!’

My friend likes to say, ‘Go big or go home,’ and I am not going home. You too have been home long enough. So go big, or go big! I wish you well, and please spread your love and light in whatever spaces you find yourself in.

Sincerely from my heart to yours. Be well!

This was supposed to be a surprise, but let me spoil it for you. This is the last article I’m writing solo. I now have a writing buddy, who’ll double up as my accountability partner, and I’m here for that. Watch out for poetry, educative lessons and stories, book reviews and everything else awesome. Shall we?

Hi! Are you well? I am, thank you!

Did I tell you I went for pedicure and full manicure sometime this week?! I mean, how cool is that? I think it’s the coolest thing. Aye! Don’t burst my bubble please. It is something I have always wanted to do, but I keep thinking to myself, ‘Just get a manicure set Njoki and do these things without having to pay anyone!’ On this day, I got over my poverty attitude and got contacts from my beloved Marion, and went to the nail parlor, without thinking too much about it. It was a struggle; a battle in my heart, between my finances and my need to pamper myself. Nothing can compare to the joy I felt afterwards, plus I met the kindest person alive!

Talk about small wins!!

The concept of small wins was first coined by an American organizational theorist, Karl Edward Weick. A small win is a concrete, complete, implemented outcome of moderate importance. By itself, one small win may seem unimportant. According to him, once a small win has been accomplished, forces are set in motion for favor of another small win. When a solution is put in place, the next solvable problem often becomes more visible. Read the Italicized words again. The psychology of small wins is discussed with respect to cognitive limitations, stress and enactment of environments. The strategy of small wins incorporates sound psychology and pragmatic (dealing with things sensibly and realistically, based on practical rather than theoretical considerations) policy making. Enough said, I know!

I am writing this article on the night before graduation ceremony in our school; a big win for all graduands. There is of course no quantifier for wins. Our eyes should just be open to notice the things we do for ourselves; all our accomplishments!

I feel good when I attend all my classes in good time, for a week, without falling ill. My dad definitely feels good when he pays bills and school fees. My friend weighing 102 kilograms of awesomeness becomes ecstatic when she ditches fries and soda for two days, and snacks on fruits instead. A person suffering from epilepsy will thank the Lord when they don’t get seizures for three months. An asthmatic fellow not getting any attack in July? Small wins and big wins and everything in between.

Being an adult can be exhausting, and our problems may be many (I respect you Kenyans!). A lot is expected of us and we have goals set for ourselves. We are bound to feel overwhelmed.

Small wins can be useful in building good habits and getting rid of bad ones. Look for ways to build small wins in your life, in all ways! A person trying to become tidier makes a simple rule of folding their clothes before going to bed rather than leaving them on the floor. It take a few seconds, and probably a few more seconds to admire the neatness, then most likely, a few more minutes to clean the entire space as well, because, good vibes!

Trying to fight laziness? Write a to-do-list at night for the next day, and reward yourself for being a good, hardworking person, when you feel like you are! A reward isn’t necessarily a trip to Morocco. It could be getting your hair done, or your nails! Your nails!! Preparing your favorite meal isn’t a bad idea either. In fact, getting your friend to do it sounds better, or visiting your favorite restaurant. Get new vests and get that haircut you’ve always wanted.

It is enough that you’re living in the 21^st century. You don’t need the pressure you’ve been subjecting yourself to for too long now. Ask yourself, ‘What can I do now?’ Do not live in 2023; you might get ulcers or worse still, hypertension. Hi! It is okay to set goals. Do what you can do now, making steps towards realizing your long-term goals. We will have less stress that way, and live more healthily. I think we all want that.

Notice your small wins, get excited, establish habits which help you make small wins every day, live in the present moment and the general rule of thumb, thou shalt not forget to reward thyself.

You are amazing.

I hope you’re happy, and that you are spreading love and joy in the spaces you’re in.

Be well!

Sincerely from my heart to yours!

 

 

Hi! Let us not talk about how long it has been since I wrote to you. I will get tired explaining and you will most probably get bored. I am not ready for that. Thank you, for stopping by anyway.

I am excited about this title; the oxymoron and all the things in between.

What are little big things?

Have you ever received a compliment from a tout on a bad day, and it completely changes your mood? Or ever been held up somewhere and your friend takes the clothes you left in the cloth-line and keeps them until you’re back? Do you find yourself thinking about a mean statement someone made ten years ago and it makes you feel bad? Those are little big things.

Thirty years ago, I was still a young girl; I wanted to go home from Nairobi CBD. It was at around 6 pm, and the queues at KBS and City Shuttle stations were already as long as can be. As any normal human being, I went and stood behind the last person and of course after a few minutes, I was the fifth person on the line. Later, a middle-aged woman came from nowhere and tactfully found her way, and stood right in front of me.

“Siwezi panga hii line yote mimi. Nafaa kwenda nyumbani kupikia watoto na nimetoka kazi. Nimechoka!”, was all she could say when the guy behind me questioned her. Her way of trying to convince us!!! She could sell ice to a panda (a dead one, lol!). In my head I was thinking, ‘Okay, we all want to go home and we have all been running errands. What is wrong with you?’, but that stayed right where it had been, in my head. Girls should respect their elders.

We are social beings and we meet people every single day, every way! I think there are things we were not taught in class, but we have to learn so we can treat others properly. Everyone will appreciate it when you return a call if you missed it. No one will mind a genuine compliment, or a few encouraging words. Oh! A hug never killed anyone, neither did a smile!

I saw two kids on a motorcycle the other day along the dusty streets of Juja. They looked like siblings. The boy, who looked older, had sat behind the sister and he literally had covered her eyes (because the dust!!), with his hand as he used his other to support himself. I thought that was a cute little big thing!

You may not be able to stop global warming right now, establish a home for the aged nor entirely wipe out corruption in Kenya, but you can make a very sad person’s day. You can be kind to your mama mboga. You can choose not to talk back at your grumpy caretaker, or to that mean neighbor who listens to loud music the whole night.

‘You’re too fat Susan.’

‘Your face looks really bad these days.’

‘How can you get 20 percent in that simple test? You don’t get these things?’

‘Why are you working for such an organization? I cannot work for 200 dollars a month.’

Studies have shown that you can actually speak well, or swallow your words without getting choked.

There is always a better way of saying things, and if you can’t find a nice way, don’t say it. The way we talk and treat people needs to get better. If we would do and appreciate these little big things, the world, then, would become a safe little heaven for all of us. That, I think would be beautiful!

I hope you’re happy and that you’re spreading love and joy in the spaces you’re in.

Be well!

Sincerely from my heart to yours!