1. Them: What would you really like to achieve by 2024?
2. Them: What is item numero uno on your bucket list?

Me (answering these questions in 2020): Heck! Visit FRANCE!

I did.

I visited France, and stayed there for a month! Now, everyone would tell you that if you’ve not been to the Eiffel Tower, you have probably not been to France. It makes sense, because the tower is a prominent symbol of France, and it’s undoubtedly an engineering feat.

I remember the first day like it was yesterday. As soon as I saw the ‘Welcome to France’ message on my phone, I started crying. I’m crying now as I type this. It felt surreal, because it had been my dream since 2020 after reading the works of Albert Camus, the famous French philosopher and author. I loved his book, ‘The Plague’, and just started reading about the French – their passion, their pastries, their wine. Them. I was fascinated. So my tears on that first day were not the cute, girly tears. I sobbed – ugly crying, because I had achieved my goal. I WAS IN FRANCE.

I experienced France for a whole month, so I can’t give you a whole breakdown of my stay. Let’s focus on the Eiffel Tower and what I learnt. It could be a great lesson for you, too. So, before going to Paris, I had travelled to Lyon (second-largest city in France), stayed in the southern parts of France, in Montpellier (a Mediterranean coastal city), and in Grenoble (most beautiful place on earth, in the Auvergne-Rhone-Alpes region), and while I loooooveeeed these places, I could not wait to visit Paris. I could not wait to see the Eiffel Tower.

My friends and I organized a road trip to Paris, finally, and I could barely catch sleep, the night before our trip. We woke up early, bought snacks, and off we went. After what seemed like eons, there we were – I saw posters of Kenyan athletes like Kipchoge who had represented us in the Olympics and felt proud to be Kenyan, then, I saw the Eiffel Tower from afar, in all its glory, and I screeeeaaammmeeddd. I could not believe it!!

We finally got to the city center, and the tower was right there. When I got to Grenoble, I cried, because of the beauty of the Alps Mountain Range. Yes, the Alps are not only in Switzerland – there’s the French Alps, Alps in Italy, Slovenia, Austria, and Germany, but that’s besides the point. This is not a Geography lesson, haha. Here, in Paris, I was more shocked than pleased. Paris is not as dreamy as I had imagined, as influencers had made me believe, as literature had convinced me. First of all, I expected that Paris would smell like a dream – a mixture of smells from the many boulangeries (bakeries), rich coffee from the coffee shops, smells of new books from the bookshops and old ones from the libraries, expensive perfumes from the artists strutting the streets of Paris… I was wrong. Many parts of Paris smell like PISS, and cigarette smoke. Paris smells like pollution.

Granted, the architecture is yummm! Tourists are in droves, but that was all. I got close to the tower and was like, ‘Is this it? It’s just metal. It’s just tall metal in a polluted place with a million tourists and a thousand and three Senegalese hawkers trying to sell Eiffel Towers keyholders…’ That was all. In that moment of questioning what the hype about Paris was all about, I thought about my time in Grenoble and Montpellier. I enjoyed those two places, but they were, for lack of a better word, ‘Placeholders’. They were holding me, before I could get to my dream city, Paris. I wished I had enjoyed them more, fully, without the obsession of wanting to be elsewhere. Still, in Paris, I took pictures, went to a cute coffee shop, and visited other tourist attraction sites such as the Champs-Élysées Avenue. I had to make the trip count, the smell of piss notwithstanding.

They have a name for it – destination addiction – always striving, never arriving.

I love good things, and I think I’m hella ambitious too, and while these have had positive impacts, they’ve also given me mad anxiety at different points in my life. I am rarely where my feet are, because I’m often stuck between nostalgia, and over-obsession with the future. While in my final year of undergrad, I was like, ‘I can’t wait to finish school so I can start working…’, then I started my first job and was like, ‘Now I miss school cos of all the free time I had and I don’t think these guys are paying me enough…’, then I got a better job and was like, ‘This is really good. What if it ends?’ Then I went back to school and was like, ‘So, what’s next?’ months before graduation. I don’t know how to take it one step at a time. Then I started a business and sometimes I’m like, ‘What if I cannot sustain myself?’

Anxiety is not all bad, because it motivates you to be aware of risks, and to stay prepared. Anxiety, in the right doses, protects you, while too much of it can be crippling, and it can make you sick. Being anxious about a job ending will motivate you to save, being anxious about transitioning from school will motivate you to apply for jobs, and so on. You catch the drift.

Planning for the future has its place, but I think that the ‘NOW’ is more valuable. It’s what you have. It’s criminal to be so obsessed with the future, or to be so stuck in the past, that the present becomes burdensome. I have heard the phrase ‘Live in the now’ numerous times, and my goal is to truly, live in the now. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow. Heck, I don’t even know what will happen five minutes from now.

I don’t know the stage of life you’re in. Perhaps you’re a new mother and you feel like you can’t wait for your little one to join uni so that you can have your time back. They will go to uni and you’ll crave their cuddles and them being in your space. You will start begging them to visit you. Enjoy the now, or at least try to, even with your interrupted sleep schedule. Perhaps you’re in school, living with your parents, and you can’t wait to start working so you can have a place of your own. You’ll start working, and you’ll start buying curtains and maize flour, and you’ll wish to be back home. Enjoy the present. Perhaps you’re employed and you can’t wait to get to a managerial position. You will, and you will miss not having to follow up with people and their tasks. You’ll miss not having to be responsible for a big team. Enjoy the present. Perhaps, like me, you’re in a new venture and you’re making Amount X weekly, with one employee, and you can’t wait to start making Amount 1000X daily, with a big team. You’ll get there, and you’ll start dealing with the Kenya Revenue Authority. Perhaps you’re single and can’t wait to start dating/get married. You will, and you’ll miss the freedom that comes with singlehood – more time and space to yourself…

What am I saying? Allow yourself to dream. Allow yourself to want things. Allow yourself to want to go to Paris. Plan. Save for it. Shop for it, but do not let your planning for Paris stop you from enjoying Grenoble and Montpellier. You might get to Paris and find that it smells like piss. Plan for the future, but be here, in the present. Now, breathe in deeply, hooollddd, breathe out, and repeat four times. You are doing great. Be where your feet are, and never forget to breathe.

The Eiffel Tower is really, just metal.

I hope you have a great week. I know I will.

Be well.

Yours,

Njoks.

P.S: Don’t forget to like, share, comment, and subscriiiiiibbbeee! Thanks for being here. Oh, I bought an Eiffel Tower keyholder from one charismatic Senegalese, well, cos he looked like me. We, are made of black.

Two blogs in two days? Yesss! New year, new me, haha. Seriously, I’m doing a 50-day challenge that requires me to post at least one blog, daily, about absolutely anything. Good stuff, right?

Yesterday you read about how my character was developed by a carpenter. My favourite carpenter is Jesus – He put it in my heart to forgive the (bad*) carpenter, which brings me to my first point about the things I’m currently loving (read, ‘obsessed with’):

1. The Ten Days of Prayer – this week there was a session about forgiveness, which happened to be right after the session about ‘God will provide’. The pastor, Douglas Ochanda, is using the Lord’s prayer approach, and for some reason, I, like many Christians, love to hear ‘good’ things like: If you ask anything in my name, I will do it (John 14:13). God provided manna for the Israelites in the wilderness (Exodus 16), He met their DAILY need. I love this part of the Lord’s Prayer: give us this day our daily bread. The next part gets tricky: ‘…and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.’ That carpenter really trespassed against me, and before listening to that sermon, I was bitter, especially whenever I’d walk past his workshop. I’d feel a ‘kiwaru’ in my throat, then after the sermon, I decided to let it go, even just for my own good cos as sure as death and taxes, that carpenter does not think about me. I was the only bitter one. Also, my gracious Lord forgives me of my many trespasses daily, as He provides the bread, so… Do you need to forgive anyone today, even though they have not expressed remorse? Do. All that to say, I am really loving the Ten Days of Prayer (it’s an Adventist program held once every year. You could find the sessions on YouTube if interested). I also love being an Adventist (sips chia seed + flax seed + banana + turmeric + black pepper smoothie because, hello health message? Seriously, I read somewhere that black pepper increases the body’s ability to absorb turmeric’s compounds, so turmeric + black pepper is better for the body than turmeric alone.)

2. My brown hair. Yesss!! I dyed my hair a couple of days ago, after having black hair, all my life. I needed a symbol of doing things differently this year – a constant reminder that I could see and touch, and because I’m not into getting piercings and tattoos, I dyed my hair. I’m so glad I did. Below is a screenshot of what I wrote when I got it dyed:-)

3. This Ordinary facial cleanser that my sister put me on. I loooveee itttt! I’ve always loved foaming cleansers, like the CeraVe one cos I feel like they get the job done, since I have oily acne-prone skin. This cleanser feels like lotion yet it cleanses my face quite well. I’m into it.

4. The MSK face mask that I got, again from my sister (People without big sisters, how do you do this life??). Wearing it feels like someone is hugging my face. I love taking care of my skin, without the expectation of it being flawless. I last had smooth skin in 2011, right before adolescence hit, and at some point the acne got so bad that my dad took me to some dermatologists. I even had a phase of applying everything everyone recommended on the internet – apple cider vinegar, turmeric and honey, lemon juice, egg white, y’all!!! I got tired, and found three decent products that ensure I have minimal break-outs – cleanser, moisturizer, and sunscreen.

5. This nail care set that I got from my sister. She gets me everything, really. It’s soooo cute, though I don’t know what half of the items here are supposed to do. I only use the pair of scissors, clippers, files, and cuticle remover. Also, it’s greeen!! Helllooo?

6. Miniso stationery – the truth! Functional and beautiful items from Miniso are an aphrodisiac, I promise. I got this set from my sister, yet again. It’s not green. It’s grey. I love grey, too. Do you?

7. Seven is the number of completion. I love my sister – she is not a thing, but I’ve been loving her, since 1998. She washed my nappies and now I get to enjoy all these gifts. Being someone’s little sister is my favourite occupation. Whoop whooopp!!

What’s one thing you’ve been loving? The pair of socks your girlfriend got you? My consistent blogging? Yes? Haha. Thanks for being here. See you again, very soooonnn.

Be well!

Yours,

Njoks.

‘Ogopa Nairobi!’ is a phrase you have heard, or used, severally. I know I have used it a million and one times, especially, since the year began.

Happy New Year 2025, first of all. I hope you have been well. I’ve been alright for the most part. The other part that hasn’t been alright has been dealing with the fatigue, self-doubt, and imposter syndrome that plague new business owners. We’ll talk more about that some other time. In the meantime, read more about my work on http://www.econjia.com. Whoop whoop!!

Now, back to ‘Ogopa’ (English translation – Fear). People have been showing me dust. Exhibit A – let’s talk about service providers. On the 28th day of December 2024, I requested a carpenter to do a painting job for me. I needed him to repaint three wooden tables, okay? A table has two parts – the top, and the bottom, so he had to unscrew the wooden part from the metallic stands to properly paint both sides and to varnish the metallic stands, yes? Yes!

Trouble began on the first day. He said he’d collect the tables (from the house to take them to his workshop) at 11 am. He came at 3 pm, without any communication about getting (significantly) late, he collected the tables and I paid 50% of the total service cost. Then, he said the paint would have dried enough by 7 pm, and that he’d bring them back by 7.20 pm. At 7.40 pm, after getting impatient, I decided to leave the house to go buy something, and I met him and his colleague bringing the tables back, so I had to walk with them back to the house. I did not even get to the shop.

We got to the house and my first thought was, ‘These stands don’t look varnished…’ but I dismissed the thought, attributing it to the fact that it was dark, that he couldn’t not have done what I had paid him to do. So they put the tables in the house, I paid the remaining 50% and walked back to the shop briefly after they had left. I, then, came back home and slept, like a sloth.

I woke up the next day at exactly 7.44 am, which is when my daily alarm sounds, brewed tea, and sat to enjoy my tea, to teatox. That’s when I found out that the carpenter had played me!! Not only were the stands not varnished – they looked worse because white paint drops were all over them. He had done a careless job. He should have wiped the paint off where it wasn’t supposed to be. Worse, he had only painted the top part, and completely ignored the sides, and the bottom. My friend!! At this time, my blood was boiling because I had initially thought that he was overcharging me, but I decided to just pay him, telling myself that he values his work highly, meaning he’d do an excellent job. I was wrong. So I breathed in and out a couple of times to calm down, then I called him and complained calmly, and he told me he’d collect them by 3 pm. He did not come and he did not pick up my calls. This story is long. Let me try to summarize it because typing is making me feel angry again.

After a few days of him lying to me, the new year celebrations were upon us so I went to my grandparents’ place, and ‘forgot’ about the tables. I remembered on 3rd January when I got back home at around 2 pm. I called him, and he said he’d come at 4 pm. He did not, and again, he ignored my calls. So, the next day, I got some other guy around here to take the tables to the workshop, and I passed there and told him, ‘Tafadhali nitengenezee hizi meza by kesho saa tisa. Nafaa kutoka…’ and he said, ‘Sawa. Nitazileta.’ He did not. Is reading this making you feel mad? It gets worse.

For three days, I passed there and there were always stories:

‘Nitazileta jioni’ and he doesn’t. He ignores calls.

‘Unajua lazima kwanza ninunue rangi na kuna pesa nangojea…’ I had paid him the full amount so I didn’t want to care.

I got the tables back, just the other day, after wearing my ‘fluent English’ cap, and threatening them. Before, I’d talk to them like the regular girl next door, using words like ‘Please’ and ‘Kindly’ like my mother taught me. On this day after running errands in town, and being frustrated by someone who was supposed to deliver EcoNjia journals (save our WhatsApp number to see what our journals look like – Message Eco Njia Limited on WhatsApp. https://wa.me/message/5AQN3WQLBKN6D1), I went to the workshop and gave them a piece of my mind. In fact, I may have given them my full mind. I told them that if the tables weren’t in my house by 5 pm the next day, they would face the music, in English. I also told them that at 5.05 pm, I would be at their store to check their business permit, pretending to be a county government official, using the ‘Hamjui mnacheza na nani’ line. They fell for it. In fact, I almost (fake) called someone ordering them to visit the workshop the next day, ready to collect the items at their workshop for auctioning purposes, because I was certain they weren’t compliant. I didn’t have to, though, cos I could see they got scared.

Friends, I got my tables back the next day, by 5 pm. I even feel like cleansing them to get rid of that bad energy. One of the tables actually got burnt-ish on Sunday. Bad energy. I shall do the cleansing – burn sage or something. Haha!

The other reason that makes me say ‘Ogopa’ is because of how people disrespect other people’s money. Yesterday I had to beg for my money from a friend I lent money to in 2021. They promised to pay me back by July this year. They said the same thing in 2023.

I’m learning that fairness is quite normative – a very subjective concept, that may even be foreign to some people. For a long time, my expectation of other people’s fairness was based on my own metrics of fairness, like, ‘I wouldn’t do that to you. Why would you do it to me?’, and I’m not claiming to be morally superior. I just know that I wouldn’t do anyone dirty – not intentionally. If you paid me to paint X and Y, I would paint X and Y, not X only. If I borrowed money, I would pay it back on Wednesday as promised, not five years later, and if I was really unable to refund, I would communicate it to you on Tuesday.

In Nairobi, and probably everywhere else, there seems to be minimal regard for doing right by others. Now, if your character, like mine, has been developed, you need to adapt. We need to adapt, by learning to say ‘No’. It’s a full sentence. Lend money mindfully. Also, I need to adapt by making a lot more money, so that I just go to the BoConcept Showroom, buy exquisite ready-made tables that would need repainting after 84.5 years, if at all.

Nairobi has shown me dust. I have wiped it off (like the carpenter should have wiped the paint drops off the stands), so I can see ahead. Has your character been developed? How? Let me know in the comments section so I can laugh at you, or empathize with you. We’ll see.

Be well. Talk again soon.

Tread carefully in the dusty Nairobi streets, please.

Impact-Site-Verification: 4a1d6822-379f-4ffe-9c8a-3c9682f143ba

I have become dishonest – lying to you, my reader is what I’ve been doing the last couple of months. I want to give you what I had promised (two blogs per month), but I’m seemingly somewhat incapacitated. I’m sorry. (Insert Pastor Ng’ang’a’s voice: I’m very sorry, aah, hata nasema sorry ya nini na si mimi nimekata hii internet? How can I say sorry? I’m not sorry… Here’s the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yuDbx3gS7vs&t=4s )

Hey hey! I hope you’ve been fine. I have been well, and excited, and busy, and sleepy, and grateful, and cold, and happy, and most importantly, I have been alive. We’ll do a proper catch-up session in the new year, yeah? I just caught myself in a really good mood and decided to blog, a short and sweet one – ten things on my mind, not in the order of importance:

1. How is today 18th December? I swear, it was 3rd January just four days ago! I love that time is flying, but I also, equally, don’t. I’ll soon turn 84, damn it.
2. Cheese is unnecessary. I don’t understand people’s obsession with it. Thembi and I went to the supermarket yesterday and she got excited about the different varieties, took different packs of cheddar cheese and almost bought some cheese sticks snacks. Milk is okay. Yoghurt is awesome. Ice cream is heaven. Cheese is disgusting, bitter and smelly. In my (not humble) opinion, it’s better on pizza, not the sticky kind – a crispy layer, as thin as your hair strand – as thin as my father’s patience.

3. Men are nice. Whoever said they’re animals should be sentenced for life without parole. Truly, I love how men (who like you) can actually bring you joy, or flowers. Have you ever received a bouquet of flowers? Yes? I’ll feel jealous only if they were yellow.

4. What can I do next year to actively give back to society? How can I put my skills/talents to good use? I don’t want to annoy God by hiding my light under a bushel. I feel like I’ve been doing that a lot.

5.Why didn’t I invest in candles sooner? Burning candles in my house has been oh, so therapeutic! They make me feel like I’m on top of my game.

6. Manchester United can be embarrassing. They’ll be playing against Liverpool today and I’m not sure how they’ll want to kill their fans – a 7- Nil loss, or a 3 – Nil loss? There’s one way to find out. I have their jersey. If they lose again, I’ll burn it.

7. Am I one of the two people on God’s green earth who add ketchup to potato crisps? Do you? Do you think it’s gross? If you answered yes, consider yourself, as a matter of fact, blocked.

8. My parent is growing old. I hate to admit it, but it scares me to think that they’ve already lived most of their life. My old man’s beard is grey now. I pray he lives long – 107.25 years.

9. Sauti Sol broke my heart. I am actually mad at them for deciding to split. Which is you favourite Sauti Sol song? Mine is an oldie titled ‘Awinja’.

10. I wonder why you read my blogs and fail to subscribe. Are you a bad person? No? I thought so. Subscriiiibeee. RustyFingers will blow up in 2024 and you’ll be proud to be a subscriber, I promise.

Now, tell me one or two things on your mind – have you found a one-off solution to climate change, or a cure for cancer, or are you thinking about why you can’t sleep without socks on, or why you’re always losing your scrunchies? I’m here for it all. Talk to me.

Later, alligator. Thanks for stopping by!

Starting to blog on a lovely Friday afternoon, as I drink ACV water cos Dr. Google says it helps to manage blood sugar. Google has a lot of opinions, just like I do.

Do you want to know why my fingers are sore? Of course you do. It’s why you clicked on the link, yeah? Thanks for caring! My aunt made me slice vegetables, and I’m not talking about ‘spinach and kales za twenty bob…’ I am talking about kales and spinach worth about KSh. 300, not bought from a nearby greengrocer, but from a farmer – a generous one. Do you know what that means? It means they were many, and because they were fresh, straight from the farm, they were dirtier than your roof. Dirtier than earth even. Today is Friday, and we’re Adventists, which means today is Preparation Day and in most homes, it means cooking chapati or githeri (what’s the English word for this? It’s corn mixed with beans.) I prefer chapati, yay! Aunty cooked some.

1532 hours (East Africa Time) on 19/09/2023 – Njoki opens her WordPress account to blog, after three long years! The last blog she wrote was a stock-take of the things she was enjoying in 2020: https://rustyfingers33.home.blog/2020/11/15/i-am-here-now/ , and at the time her nephew was barely three months old. He’s three now and is the reason she didn’t start writing at 1300 hours – he wants to either cuddle or destroy her laptop by hitting it with a ball and trying to remove the keys with his cute, fat, greasy hands. There’s no in-between. Njoki has missed blogging, so she’s back at it, to do it consistently, or so she hopes.

Hi. My name is Njoki. I have a 3-year-old nephew with cute, fat hands (now greasy, distracting my work). I have another cute nephew (currently in school, definitely not distracting me). I love to write. If you know me, I bet you know that, don’t you? I write on my journal from time to time and almost daily on my WhatsApp status, and those expire in 24 hours. WordPress is forever, and I hope to make this blog my primary creative outlet moving forward. Yaaay!

Before I started writing this one, I called my ex boyfriend. Do you talk to your exes? No? I had to call him because ‘RustyFingers’ was our passion project. We met many years ago and hit it off immediately, partly because of our shared love for literature, for writing, so when we finally started dating, we decided to run a blog together. The call went something like:

Njoki: Heeey! Did I catch you at a good time? Do you have time for a two-minute quickie conver…

The Ex: (before I could say the word ‘conversation’) Haha! I am never a two-minute man.

Njoki: (Major eye roll) You didn’t let me finish talking, and the word ‘quickie’ means anything that is done rapidly or quickly, not just coitus.

The Ex: Of course, Njoki. We can talk for ten minutes if you like…

Njoki: Can I make ‘RustyFingers’ my thing now?

The Ex: Yes, that’s not a problem. I have a few drafts saved by the way- wrote them about a month ago.

Njoki: Cool, thanks, Ex! Do you remember our Gmail account’s password?

The Ex and Njoki: (both laughing hard, one with a very deep voice) You know I do, and you do too… Hahahaa!!

(We talked a little longer and bid each other goodbye)

That password remains our thing. The blog is now ‘MY THING’, purely. I think after we broke up I found it hard to detach blogging from our relationship as we had it, so I never blogged since we weren’t together anymore. Additionally, procrastination (read ‘laziness’), questioning whether or not my work matters (like, who cares anyway? No one’s life depends on your writing, plus there are other bloggers that talk about what you can talk about so there’s probably no point.), and really, life just getting in the way.

LydiaKM in a recent reel said, ‘Keep creating. Honour that desire to create. You have no idea what your light could do to someone. That special thing you want to let out, please let it out. If you’re bogged down with doubt, remember that your light matters…’ Here’s the link: https://www.instagram.com/reel/CxVAn6SIhJl/?igshid=MWZjMTM2ODFkZg%3D%3D

Now, because I can, I have decided to get out of my own way, to stop being lazy, to stop being a terrible steward of the gift God has given me and heck, to stop questioning the essence of my work. My light matters, and so does yours. It may not be writing for you, perhaps it’s baking, singing, preaching, teaching dance, web design, name it. What (good) thing have you for a long time wanted to do but keep holding back, for whatever reason? Let this blog be your cue to keep going, or to even just start, and while at it, we can stop selling ourselves short and monetize our skills. A 2kg bag of maize flour goes for KSh. 230, and electricity tokens cost an arm, a leg and the left breast. Not fun!

For now I’ll commit to posting three blogs per month, so this is the first of many.

Thanks for stopping by. If you haven’t subscribed to my blog, I’m judging you. Subscribe noowwww, it matters. Don’t talk to your exes, well, unless you used to run a blog together, lol!

Until next time! Thanks for stopping by.

If there is anything this year that has been so real as to give meaning to a name, it has to be the rusty
fingers of Rusty fingers. Here now to clean the cobwebs and clear the thicket, I want to promise
you, the paradise lost is now found and the not so rusty fingers of Rusty fingers, after a proper soak
in the white vinegar all rust is now wiped out. We genuinely missed you. How do you do? How
really are you?
This is no distraction to avoid a well-deserved apology. Have you heard of sabbaticals? This was
one well deserved and needed, for the revamp of the rusty not so rusty. Another distraction?
What happened?
To admit that there has been lying, procrastination, work-shy, broken-promise, is not pretty a picture
to paint, and being so human and you a beautiful human, extend the grace and forbearance an
allowance to take us by the light and blight. Can we be friends again?
I loved how you smiled, this relationship of ours is not toxic. It serves a purpose. A purpose as that
of every human to another, though not often thought well about, appreciated, and accorded the apt
affections, one cannot be blind to the human resource so rich. People are beautiful and nasty(rusty).
Of the times, close to the end of a year, it is so commonplace to have moments to reflect,
reminisce, be glad, cringe, sigh, cry, plan…(and I will leave a blank for you to add to the list). In
it all choose gratitude. It will transform the torments of memory into silent joy, one that only you
will see the elegance. And if still you find no elegance, bear whatever is becomingly and give up not
hope for this is a divine gift that has seen men through the darkest of nights to the healing rays of
dawn.
Given the gift of the present, unwrap to reveal what you didn’t have. I present you to you. Be kind
to you, relish you, enjoy you, take time to know, build and be you. Now is the best of times to try,
try and try again. Why suddenly the serious not so serious, serious discourse? It is ever to you
reader from our doing life together that we do life. And here, is home to all humans.
We’re here now! We heard the screams and shouts, that deafening call to action, this is us responding.
And more to it a promise not to be broken. The promise- we’re here now!

It is a toxic relationship; this relationship I’m having with writing. Writing has been forcing itself on me, when I can’t give it attention, or anything at all. Oh no! I give it an ‘I’ll catch you later.’ Then, when I try to catch it later, it gives me a ‘No-I’m-Not-Available-Now.-You-Refused-To-Give-Me-Time-The-Other-Day’ look. It has been like that, the last two months, but we recently had a conversation and we agreed to get back together. No one is coercing the other to be in this relationship- I promised to let go of all my side dudes, and I did, cos my relationship with writing matters that much to me. Let us see how it goes (I hope none of you is in such a relationship with a human being. If you are, dial this helpline number: #I.DESERVE.BETTER.24/7/365#)

First of all, hi please! I truly hope you’re well and that you missed Rusty Fingers. Did you? I hope you nodded your head. I started writing an article some time last month, and at the start! Yoh! I was really feeling it. Last weekend, I was telling my friends that I don’t know exactly how my creativity works. I don’t schedule my writing- an idea simply comes to me from the blues. From God! From the Universe! From the Idea Factory! Then I almost immediately sit, take my book and pen and write, without taking my eyes off the book. Yes! Till the last full stop. If I sleep on the idea for a day or two, the idea escapes, that when I feel like I’m ready to write, I have to chase the idea. I have to chase an idea that is running at a speed of a million miles per hour, while I’m running at three miles per hour. Is that jogging? Whatever man! I never catch the idea. That’s exactly what has been happening, because, well, I have been up and about a lot.

I wrote something, but didn’t publish, because, again, I chased the idea, felt like I had caught it, wrote, and then at the end felt like the article was premium trash. You don’t deserve such articles, cos you’re great. Here was my message: CLIMATE CHANGE IS REAL. DESTRUCTION OF HABITATS FOR WILDLIFE AND MARINE LIFE IS REAL. DO NOT LITTER. SAVE ENERGY. MAKE SMART PURCHASES- OF PRODUCTS PACKAGED IN BIODEGRADABLE MATERIAL, OR MATERIAL (LIKE GLASS) THAT YOU CAN RE-USE. THE WORLD IS FLASHING RED DANGER SIGNALS- IT IS SHOUTING SYSTEM FAILURE, AND IT IS SHUTTING DOWN! TAKE CARE OF EARTH- OUR HOME! Seriously. I’ll hopefully write an article on this issue very soon.

That should have been last month’s message. Here is today’s, which really isn’t a message, but something I’d want to let you in on. Something I’d also want you to do- taking stock of 2020- an idea I borrowed from my favourite vlogger- Sharon Mundia alias This Is Ess. Check out her content on YouTube. She is amazing!

1. Making:

Memories. I have been intentional about putting myself out to the world- for me to see it, together with my loved ones, to marvel at its beauty, and for it to see me too. For it to see that I love it, and perhaps it will bless me for that. It’s worth noting that I took my first trip to the Kenyan Coast last month! Who am I? (This is where you need to be nice enough to not burst my bubble if you’ve been there 84 times! Thanks!)

2. Eating:

Everything other than stones. Seriously, my eating habits are poor. I need the Lord. No, I need discipline. I pass close to mutura joints and I have to turn my head, to look away, so I can resist the temptation, but the aroma! It’s hard to ignore it. Boiled eggs with kachumbari. Tuskys hotdogs. Chipo mwitu. Ngumus. (I’m sorry if you’re not Kenyan and you don’t know what these things are. Translation would be injustice to the goodness of the aforementioned. Lol!) need the Lord. On some days though, I try to eat better. I think that’s worth something.

3. Drinking:

A litre of water a day. I know it is way less than the amount I should drink in a day, but for a person that would take only one glass a day some time back, I am doing well. I even got an app to remind me to hydrate. Whew! Also, Hibiscus herbal infusion is the truth, and chamomile tea is, oh, so soothing! Someone get me a Jamhuri Day gift- boxes of tea bags, and a two-litre water bottle. Easy tracking of my water intake, you know!

4. Reading:

Binyavanga Wainaina’s memoir- ‘One Day I Will Write About This Place’, and in the interest of full disclosure, I have to say that I’m struggling with this one. I can’t exactly tell you why. I mean, it’s not doing the thing for me, if you know what I’m saying, but then again, who stops reading a book when they’re halfway through? Do you? Would you? Cos nastruuugglleee (Chimano’s voice). However, I have loved a good number of books this year. I’ll share more about that in a separate post. Stay tuned, will you?

5. Wanting:

A Polaroid camera (Canon Zoemini C instant camera, specifically, in case someone wants to buy one for a girl.) We can get one at 200 dollars only. I want to make memories, and freeze time, with a camera, that produces hardcopy pictures instantly. I want to create an album that’s larger than life. It’d also be really great for my blog. Oh my goodness! I want a camera!

6. Playing:

Several songs on repeat, on my playlist.

a. Umbombela – Soweto Gospel Choir.

b. Sauti Sol’s Midnight Train album.

c. Psalms 34- Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir

d. Stand Up (From the movie ‘Harriet’)- performed by Cynthia Erivo, and other songs.

7. Wasting:

No money. I’m gradually learning financial discipline, because money is important, but using money well is importanter. I can’t even believe that a few months ago, I’d wonder why a woman would argue with a tout for charging her an extra 20 shillings. I’d think to myself ‘Just give him the 20 bob and have the noise all over and done with.’ I am here to tell you that I am that woman now. Every shilling counts.

8. Creating:

My business. I’ve wanted to say that for the longest time. Head over to http://instagram.com/g_aloe_w_up, to see exactly what I’m talking about. There’s something for you and for everyone else. I’m not here to lie to you. Creating this has pushed me out of, and beyond my comfort zone, and I’m hoping to keep doing my best with it.

9. Wishing:

There was no pandemic at this time, or ever. I’m wishing no one had to mourn their loved one because of this disease. Actually, I just wish we were all in the Garden of Eden, eating fruits, except of the tree in the middle of the garden, playing with lions, and really, just living the ideal life. Eve and Adam!! What did you do?

10. Enjoying:

The imaginations, dreams, I have of the future. I see an amazing life. I see a well-traveled lady. I see a happy mother and wife. A loving, helpful daughter, sister, aunt, grandchild, friend and citizen. I wish you could see what goes on in my head as I think of 35-year-old Njoki, eating life with a spade and getting those spades for everyone I love, because why not? I affirm every good thing, and doing what I can to get there. May life not surprise me. Amen!

11. Loving:

My almost-three-month-old nephew Armani. He’s the cutest, most innocent, happiest child, and I love him so much.

12. Hoping:

To achieve most, if not all, of the things I had set out to achieve at the start of the year. Of course the pandemic has ensured we’re in places we didn’t think we’d be at at this time, but I want to be able to say that I used my time well- to improve myself, to be there for others. I want to be useful, and I’m hoping to say that I have been, when I’m old and gray.

13. Marvelling:

At the ability of human beings to live through unbelievable times. I’ve seen single mothers doing the most for themselves and for their children, single dads deciding to dedicate their lives to the upbringing of their children, read about people leaving abusive relationships, cancer patients being positive and resilient, people surviving loss, of jobs, property and of their loved ones, and battling depression, and coming out of it stronger. I have seen orphans and street children defying the odds, making it in life and giving back to the society. We are endowed with so much strength, and I love it when we own that!

14. Smelling:

My Bath and Body Works body splash! I love it! Also, my nephew Armani- must be the Pampers wet wipes, Johnson’s baby oil and fabric softener. You know how little babies smell. Ugh! Love, love, love!

15. Wearing:

Long, floral skirts. They make me feel like the rich aunty who gives loans to everyone who needs money, and drives everyone to their houses at the end of events, when they don’t want me to pay their Uber fee. Haha! Aunty wa Harrier! Also, wearing sunscreen has been a game-changer (http://instagram.com/g_aloe_w_up). Hop onto this bandwagon already.

16. Following:

Only people that I should follow on social media. This is a story for another day.

17. Noticing:

That I’m saying ‘Yes!’ a lot more. I’m more adventurous now, and unapologetically going after things that spark joy in my life, where in the past I’d have excuses as to why I could not experience new places, new people; ‘Do I really have to? This is too scary. What if this goes wrong? What if I try to learn swimming and I drown while at it? What if I start this business and it fails? What if this guy breaks my heart?’ Now I’m just like ‘Truthfully, no one has to do anything, but this life is for the living, and no one comes out of it alive. So I might as well take chances, do new, exciting things, and live it while I’m here. Tomorrow is not promised.’ I read something the other day: I want a life that sizzles and pops and makes me laugh out loud… I want my everyday to make God belly-laugh, glad that He gave life to someone that loves the gift. I’m into that!

18. Knowing:

That God answers prayers. I have kinda always known that, but now, I really, truly know, and believe, that God meant it when He said ‘Ask and it shall be given unto you…’ When we pray in faith, God listens to us, and He answers us. I hope you believe that too.

19. Feeling:

A lot of emotions- mostly hopeful. Hopeful that these last days of 2020 will be better for everyone, compared to the other days we have had. I am hopeful that 2021 will not be 2020 ProMax. I am hopeful, that there will be restoration, healing and revival for all of us.

20. Bookmarking:

Almost every page on Dale Carnegie’s ‘How To Win Friends and Influence People’. Read that book if you haven’t. That’s all I’m going to say for now.

21. Opening:

Up more to the idea that forgiving people and trusting them again are different things. You can forgive someone and still not want them in your life, and that’s okay. Also, I am opening up more about my feelings. In the past, I’d keep my thoughts to myself, thinking the other person should be sober enough to figure out ‘how things should be.’ Communicating exactly what I’m feeling and what I want is doing me and my relationships well, for the most part.

22. Giggling:

At funny videos with Nigerian actors’ reactions. It gets me every time. Also, the ‘Spell Collins’ video, especially when Barbez imitates the guy. He is asked to spell Collins and he goes, ‘S-Q-Z-Y-R-O…’ Your ribs will crack.

I have had so much fun writing this article, and I’d totally want you to do this on your blog if you have one, or on your notebook. It’s a good way to know where you are right now, and super-helpful in charting the way forward for yourself.

I randomly pick #18. What’s the one thing you know for sure? What’s the one thing 2020 has taught you, or reminded you? Thanks for stopping by, you wonderful person. I’m judging you if you haven’t subscribed to this blog. Remember to spread love, joy and light in the spaces you find yourself in. Wear your mask when you step out. Wash your hands. Respect other Ministry of Health guidelines. Till next time! Be well!

I just wanna feel something , I just wanna feel,
I just wanna feel something, I just wanna feel,
Something really real, so that that I can feel
like really real.

DON’T LOVE ME LIKE THAT.

‘This is how you’ve been making me feel all this while. You don’t even call me sweet names…’ said one beautiful person when we were breaking up many years ago. I said, ‘What the hell?’

Well, hi please! I hope you’re doing alright and if you’re not, please hang in there and do what you ought to do to feel better. I hope you know what that is.

The beautiful person just said they felt unappreciated cos I didn’t call him munchkin/darling/sweetheart all the time. I’d call him Ribashongilogasheshiakili! I know! You probably want to ask ‘Would you rather refer to him by his long name than call him honeybunch? I mean, that is his I.D! Really?’ I appreciated him. I mean, I bought him socks!! Hi ladies! Manufacturers of socks owe us one because they are probably nothing without us (or are they? Manufacturers of socks with no regular customers.)

Later when wisdom came by as my tenant, I realized how crucial this thing is- loving people how they want to be loved, not how we feel like we should love them, or how they want to feel loved. The only way, or the main way, they will feel really loved. Their love language.

I’m not saying I don’t love sweet names nor beautiful words. Who doesn’t love those? I feel like I gas myself up so much so that I don’t need it from others. Narcissist? No! Self love! Yes! You simply cannot rely on people to tell you good things about yourself, right? People mostly show love how they want it shown to them. I will more often than not buy gifts cos I love to receive gifts, not that relationships are transactional, but because that just happens to be how I feel really loved and well thought of. (Now, to friends who want to crucify me because I have never bought them gifts- THE DAY DRAWETH NIGH!)

This doesn’t just apply in boyfriend-girlfriend relationships. Parents have their love languages.,
where they never necessarily say, ‘I love you’ but will have you fit clothings they grabbed on their
way home or have some chicken in a foil just for you from a party only to abdicate the supper
responsibility. So do our siblings and friends. I’d write my mum sweet messages, because, words of affirmation! My dad will tell me to hand him my phone or put it away when he’s trying to talk to me- when telling me stories he finds exciting, that I’ve probably heard before. Or when he tells me how things were in Kenya during President Moi’s reign, and I’m peeping at my phone. Quality time?

This brings me to the point that: the person you felt didn’t love you probably did. They perhaps didn’t learn your love language, or they just insisted on showing you love in their own way, and you missed it. Well, of course, except if the person was toxic, e.g. violent. I’m here to tell you that there’s no love hidden in violence. It doesn’t matter so much that you didn’t know this then, but for the future, or now, here are the five love languages:

a. Words Of Affirmation

Self: encouraging yourself.

Positive self talk. You know how it goes.

Daily affirmations (Hi Winfrey Masese!💛). ‘I am pretty cool.’ ‘I have a small tummy.’ Haha! Say it to yourself till you believe it.

Journalling. Be in tune with your emotions.

Self- improvement: acquire skills, learn a foreign language, etc.

Others:

Write them a letter/poem/sweet random message/make a card.

Tell them why you love them, every so often.

Tell them you are proud of them and that you can see they are doing better for themselves.

Notice something exceptional about them and tell them and truly listen to them.

Say I LOVE YOU often.

God! Oh yes!

Hebrews 13:15 By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of [our] lips giving thanks to His name.

I’m pretty sure God knows He’s incredible and majestic, but He loves it when we praise and adore Him.

b. Acts Of Service

Self: doing things for yourself that make you feel good/ make life easier.

Cleaning.

Delegating duties- you don’t have to do everything.

Organizing- e.g. declutter closet.

Scheduling- plan on how to spend your time

Others:

Make a podcast/music playlist for them (Hi Marion!💛)

Do an errand/task they don’t enjoy doing. (Who will be washing our dishes? I’ll lose my mind!)

Ask, ‘What can I help you with?’ Often say, ‘Let me do that for you.’

Help them do amazing things for someone they love- organizing a birthday party, a baby shower event, anniversary party, name them!

God:

Mat 25:39-40 Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done [it] unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done [it] unto me.

Read: James 1:27 and chapter 13 to 17 of Mathew.

Christ washed His disciples’ feet, even though they could do it themselves, as a symbol of humility and service. We are God’s hands now, and we serve God by serving others- widows, orphans and your nextdoor neighbor whose welfare you’ve never thought of finding out. Share potatoes your grandma sends from upcountry, or give a few of (or a lot of) the chapati you make on Friday evenings.

c. Receiving Gifts

Self: treating yourself to gifts that make you happy.

Go out- nature trails, restaurants, etc.

Reward yourself when you feel that you should. Tell yourself ‘Hell Yes!’ to little gifts.

Smell like a tropical garden (eti usitembee huku nje ukinuka nguvu 😂. Translation: Don’t walk out here smelling like strength! I’m not kidding!)

Invest in yourself- get good products for yourself, like Forever Living products (http://instagram.com/g_aloe_w_up). (Click that link and follow for everything nice!). Don’t wear shoes that pinch your toes if you can afford to get another pair. Don’t use a toothbrush you bought in 2015. Please. Invest in yourself, we’re only here for a while.

Others:

Give them something you think they could use and enjoy.

Cook/ buy their favourite food.

Buy them meaningful gifts for special events.

Buy a clothing item they’ve been saying they want.

Take note of what they say they like, and make it happen for them when you can.

God:

Romans 12:1 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, [which is] your reasonable service.

There’s nothing we can give to God that He doesn’t already have. He gives us everything we have, or think we have, anyway. Give yourself to God and allow Him to use you, for you are His. It is the best expression of love- to give ourselves to Him!

d. Quality Time

Self: spending time alone, doing things you love.

Reading.

Meditation.

Take yourself out on dates.

Take time on hobbies and creativity- painting, writing, etc.

Relaxing. Sometimes, take time to just be. (Hi Peggy!💛)

Others:

Watch a movie/play (Hi Barbez!💛) together.

Bake/cook together (Hi Praxidis, Sharon and Nyaruri!💛💛💛💛)

Stroll together (Hi Anto!💛)

Regular date schedules.

Make eye contact and ignore your phone when talking to them.

Host game nights (Hi Rukunga!💛)

Work out together.

Pick up new habits together.

Love, really, is a four-letter word spelt T-I-M-E!

God:

Deuteronomy 17:19 And it shall be with him, and he shall read therein all the days of his life: that he may learn to fear the LORD his God, to keep all the words of this law and these statutes, to do them.

The king read God’s word- for guidance, wisdom and correction. We honour God with our time by spending it with Him- by reading the Bible, praying and worshipping Him.

e. Physical Touch

Self: things that make your body feel good and focus on your physical well-being.

Get soft blankets.

Take long showers. (Hi, my siblings! 💛💛)

Take care of your hair and skin, even when they act like they don’t care.

Move your body. Exercise!

Others:

Hug them.

Style/comb their hair.

Hold their hand (PDA, who dis?)

God:

Matthew 8:3 And Jesus put forth [his] hand, and touched him, saying, I will; be thou clean. And immediately his leprosy was cleansed.
Jesus didn’t really have to touch the man to heal him. He could have healed the man at a word, but He chose to touch him. He touched a man who was considered unclean- an outcast. In the same way, we are expected to love everyone, even the ‘different’ ones. Especially the’different’ ones. That way, we will be touching God’s heart, and that, is life.

I feel like a very serious pastor right now, so before I start asking for offering, let me love you and leave you. It is of course worth noting that people don’t walk around with stickers in their foreheads written ‘Receiving Gifts Is My Love Language.’ We exist for a purpose greater than ourselves, and that includes other people. Pay attention to the people you love, and love them properly, loudly, in their own language.

Spread love and light in the spaces you find yourself in. Don’t forget to subscribe. (Scroll through the post and click on the ‘Follow+’ button, will you?

Be well! ❤️